


Renewal

by butchrem (Harlecat)



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, L & Light frequently match wits, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Relationships, so there's a lot of literature and philosophy slung around, the park hyatt baby!!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:49:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26829895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harlecat/pseuds/butchrem
Summary: Things go a little differently and, though he gets the Death Note back, Light is unable to kill L and is placed under house arrest. Nearly a year later, criminals start dying, and the two are pushed back together as the case is reopened; L needs to keep his primary suspect under surveillance, and the first Kira needs to find his would-be usurper.Collaboration is made difficult by the fact that they were hooking up during the Yotsuba arc, and despite being geniuses, neither seem to have grasped proper communication.
Relationships: Amane Misa & L, L/Yagami Light
Comments: 55
Kudos: 123





	1. Revival

**Author's Note:**

> I don't actually know if there will be 25 chapters or not! I have an outline, but it's rather amorphous and my ending is still not concrete. But I like to look like I've got a plan because I do, it's just extremely flexible. I've written a good chunk of this already and hope posting it will get me to write more! I've had this story in my noggin since I first watched this silly show, and I'm excited to finally be sharing it! The first chapter is mostly setup but don't worry, the rest will have more action (and more Gays)
> 
> I know I teased the AU in the summary but I'll drop it here too, in a little more detail. I plan to address it in the fic, but to reveal more about it as the story progresses, so feel free to make the call on whether to read it yourself! Basically — Light and L started hooking up while handcuffed together and maybe caught some feelings, and then Light got the notebook back. In questioning Rem, and before releasing Misa, L determined that ownership of the Death Note had passed to Light and asked Light to give it up so L could take ownership. Light refused, pretending to fear that giving up ownership of the notebook might result in his death, which made L instantly suspicious. In questioning Rem further, it became clear that she had encountered both Light and Misa before. Rem admitted to showing herself to Misa during her interview and telling her that Higuchi was Kira, and the handwriting in the Death Note before Higuchi's matched Misa Amane's. Rem also revealed that giving up the notebook erased the owner's memory of its use, and might free the owner from the thirteen-day rule. L presented this evidence to the task force and pointed out that Light's refusal to give up the notebook, Higuchi's sudden death while the notebook was in his hands, and Rem's affection for Misa all made sense with L's previous suspicion and suggested that they try getting him to give up the notebook again. If he refused, then L would place him under house arrest somewhere separate from Misa Amane. L got Light alone and told him to give up ownership of the notebook and, when Light refused again, confronted him with the fact that doing so would only erase his memories of using it, something Light would have no reason to fear if he weren't Kira, and told Light he would be placed under immediate arrest to see if killings began again. L also made Light aware that he would be testing some of the notebook's rules; while Light was arrested and in isolation L was able to determine that the thirteen-day rule was fake. L conferred with the task force and decided to keep Light in house-arrest until they found a reason not to and Soichiro Yagami quite the task force for a variety of reasons, all relating to his own conflicts of interest and their interference with his ability. When it became clear that Light was trying to find a way to contact Misa without them being able to listen in, most of the task force who'd remained unconvinced were pretty much swayed to the "Light is Kira" camp. But the evidence wasn't really good enough to convict, especially considering the severity of the crimes, so Light was kept in house-arrest, and the task force disbanded when the killings never started again. Now it's May in 200X (2008, but I don't want to say that when I know certain dates won't match up with what really happened, ha) and hey, the gang's back together!

The absence of the Yagamis’ could be felt in the hotel suite. There was a little extra room on L’s right side, where Light had tended to sit during their briefings, and Watari pushed in the tea caddy a little closer so the space would be less tangible.

“Thank you for coming so quickly,” L told the task force. They had all gathered around the coffee table. “Well. No notes, no phones — the usual. Have any of you heard from Yagami-san?”

Matsuda launched into a tirade about the last time he had spoken to Soichiro Yagami. It was a little after one in the morning, early in May, and Matsuda had spoken to him at work the week before. L had spoken to him only a few hours ago, but it seems prudent to see if there was any information he’d missed.

“He seemed alright,” Matsuda added. “I mean, he’s really gone gray, but he seems okay.”

L nodded and took a slice of cake from the caddy. He cut a careful bite with his fork.

“Yeah,” Mogi said. “But that was  _ last _ week, wasn’t it?”

“Well— yes.”

L stuck the cake in his mouth. “And have any of you heard from Light?”

Matsuda and Aizawa both balked. Ide rolled his eyes. “No, Ryuzaki, none of us four  _ living _ people here have  _ heard _ from Kira.”

“It’s not as though we  _ could _ have!” Matsuda’s eyes widened some. “I mean, how would he even contact us?”

“With his phone.” L swallowed thickly. “Probably.”

“He has a  _ phone?” _

“He doesn’t have internet access.” L shoveled another bite of cake into his mouth. “So he would only be able to call a number he had memorized. I imagine that would only include this task force and his family.”

“Not to mention  _ Misa? _ ” Aizawa added, frantically.

“No, I spoke to Misa just before you arrived.” L swallowed again, the frosting sticking to his throat. “She’s quite worried, actually. She and Light haven’t spoken since his arrest but she had been in transit and hadn’t heard about what happened yet.” He set the fork down on his plate. “Naturally, she was upset.”

“This is stupid,” Ide said, calmly. “You expect us to believe that known serial killers Light Yagami and Misa Amane, who it seems can contact each other at any time, are  _ not _ responsible for the resurgence of Kira murders?”

“It’s  _ possible, _ ” L said. “But it’s just not what happened. I understand that’s not very convincing.”

“Well. Convince me.”

L picked the fork back up and pressed the prongs into his other thumb, then let it balance between his fingers. “Misa Amane did not reclaim her Death Note, and does not remember being Kira. It’s therefore not likely, if not possible, that she could kill anyone with it. While I am certain Light has some fragment of the Death Note in his possession, we can all admit that this is out of character for him, Kira or no. It’s too obvious, isn’t it? And I do monitor his calls. And there’s the coded message. You might not have caught on. Watari?”

Watari supplied L with a pen, and L leaned over the hotel room’s table and started to write.

“Fifty victims in the first forty five locations,” L explained. “In the other five, confirmed cases ranged from forty two to forty seven.” He wrote the numbers, then the letters. “If we assume this killer was aiming for fifty fifty times, the Roman numeral for fifty is L. That’s me, it’s the introduction.”

“Okay,” Matsuda nodded. “That makes sense.”

L wrote out the date and time. “This next part is easy. The time these deaths took place. If we ascribe numerical figures to the letters in the alphabet, like so, from low to high beginning with one, then eleven is K and nine is I. That’s our first two letters. Then the date, the first of May. It would have to be written like this, five one, and one is obviously A. And eighteen is R.”

“But May isn’t eighteen,” Mogi interrupted.

“No,” L nodded. “But there are twelve months in a year, and at this point the code is obvious. If we go through twelve months and start counting again, we arrive at R.” L tapped his pen against the table. “So the message reads L-L-K-I-R-A. It’s not subtle, and I’m surprised no one else has caught it. It’s a very rudimentary message, which would be unlike Light, and it wouldn’t make sense to come from him. From a new Kira it’s an invitation. What would it be from Light? A reminder? And I doubt he has enough paper to kill so many people in one go.”

“There’s the New York deaths,” Ide pointed out.

L stopped tapping his pen. “Yes,” he said. “Those surprise me too. I am of two minds on that matter, but that is for another time. For now, we must proceed, and lay the groundwork.” L rocked back in his seat and bit his tongue. “I am going to call Light Yagami later in the morning, when he will be in a better mood, and he is going to relocate back into our region.”

“Hang on,” Matsuda said. “Doesn’t this clear Light’s name?”

“That remains to be seen. You do not have to work alongside him and he will not have the chance to harm you, but I believe now is the time to keep him on a tight leash. Another of my contacts will join Misa on her tour, to be certain she does not engage with this new Kira, and one will go to the states and be stationed in New York. Is this amenable?”

“Okay,” Ide said. “Sure. Why the hell not?”

“In that case,” L said. “I recommend everyone get some sleep. We don’t know if this new Kira has the eyes just yet, so I’ve taken the liberty of booking you all rooms here for the night, and we can sort the rest out in the morning.”

There were grumbles of agreement and Watari went about handing out belts and IDs and room keys in a frustratingly familiar motion, and then the task force was dispersed. L sulked over to the window. He had upgraded, at least, to a more accommodating suite in the Park Hyatt hotel than his last stay, but he was not particularly motivated by such material things. The full-length window showed Tokyo stretched out beneath him and L wondered if there was much he could do before speaking to Light. He chewed his thumb and wondered, blearily, if Light knew what was going on. The first Kira was currently under house arrest; the proof L had stacked against him was irrefutable, and it seemed the best course of action. Forcing Light into a corner kept Kira from taking action. Or at least, it had.

L had been planning to call Light around nine, but was impatient, and called at seven in the morning.

The phone rang three times, long enough for L to try to count how long it had been since he spoke to Light. At least two months, if not three.

On the fourth ring, the receiver clicked, and he heard Light’s voice mumble something. L recognized in the tone that he had woken Light up, and he had been sleeping deeply. L was not sure how a killer could sleep as deep as Light did, and he looked like an angel when he slept.

Light took in a long, tired breath and then exhaled. L imagined him falling back asleep, and then Light spoke, voice low and breathy from sleep. A stab of affection caught L in the heart. He hadn’t heard Light sound such a way in much longer than two months. It would have been before his arrest. “I don’t want to take the survey, but I’ll ask what it is.”

“I am calling,” L said. “To enquire as to whether Light-kun has seen the news.”

“Ryuzaki?” Light asked, voice growing sharp.

That was more like him. Though Light could not see him, L made a point of looking down at himself before answering “Yes,” and thought Light could probably picture the gesture.

“Yeah,” Light said. “I’ve seen the news. Light Yagami woken up by asshole. Coffee machine not working.”

“I am referring to the news regarding a round of Kira killings last night.”

“Hah, yeah,” Light said drily. “I heard about those.”

L let his retort hang in the air for a moment.

“Are you serious?”

L hummed. “Light-kun doubts my claim as default, with no good reason. It’s because he is Kira, and did not imagine another would appear without him.”

“Hang on, be quiet for a minute. That’s right. That’s right! I can’t be Kira.  _ Now _ you have to admit it.”

“I’ll send a cab to you,” L said. “I have suite for you in Tokyo. I have spoken to your father and he will not be working this case.”

“A cab? Holy shit.” There was energy in Light’s voice now. “When? I need to pack. You can’t expect me to just drop everything and disappear to come help you. Prick.”

“When can you do? I’ve arranged them for nine, but I can tell them to come earlier. Have you gotten the Eyes, by any chance? Since I’ll be seeing you.”

“What a stupid question,” Light said. “I don’t have them because I’m not Kira. Nine works fine.”

There was a click as he hung up. It was refreshing to hear Light protest his innocence. It had been a long time since he’d bothered.

The truth was, Light had not yet confessed to being Kira. Not in so many words, and not in a way that L could use. The last time L had seen his suspect was when they had worked out the details of his house arrest following the death of Higuchi. Though that was being generous, it was more like L laid out the plan and Light had sat in defiant, angry silence, staring daggers at L. L had no doubt in that moment that Light was Kira and that he wanted to kill him. He even saw Light’s hands twitch, and could hear the thought running through his head:  _ I don’t need to notebook to strangle him. _ But Light had just cocked his head and smiled his killer’s smile and said “Well, I suppose I’ll have to go along with it. I’ll find a way to prove my innocence.” And then he smiled wider at L because they both knew the rest of that promise, that he would kill L then. L had wanted to have Light then and there, like he had countless other times. Only this would be different because now L had Light in a corner and was winning. He thought hard about the idea for a few moments, turning it over in his head, but Light had gone from being a suspect to a prisoner and L had to keep some morals.

L lifted his thumb to his mouth and covered it almost entirely, biting down on the knuckle. He did not think he had miscalculated regarding Light’s innocence but wondered if perhaps he had made a mistake regarding his morals.

Either way, Light would be there in a few hours, and L figured he may as well use one or two of them to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are always welcome!! hope you'll come back for more :-) my tumblr is @butchrem! let me know if you'd be interested i seeing WIPs or previews there :o
> 
> the hotel is the park hyatt bc i too have read dial k for kira and am in fact rather obsessed with it


	2. Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the warm reception chapter one got!! This one is a little bit slower, continuing to get the gears all set up before they can start turning, but at least our two boys are back. Hope you enjoy!

God’s arrival in Tokyo was heralded by Wedy and her accompanying cloud of cigarette smoke. Light tried not to cough as he followed her to the elevator in the hotel’s garage, but failed. Having been under house arrest and more or less in isolation, it had been some time since Light had breathed in any kind of fumes, and the mingling smoke and gasoline made his stomach churn. Wedy pressed a button on the elevator and offered Light the cigarette. He shook his head, stifling another cough. The air reeked.

She did not follow him into the elevator, or say anything. She had been just as silent on the drive into the city, too. Light wasn’t sure if she’d ever spoken directly to him, or any member of the task force for that matter. Not that he cared. He let out a long breath when the doors closed, and the elevator started upward. It was a gorgeous elevator, with wood paneling and soft lighting. There was a camera in the ceiling. Light had spent so much time alone that he felt so unaccustomed to presenting himself, and now he would have to exercise caution as he returned to 

The elevator doors opened onto a suite that was infinitely nicer than the one he had been confined to, which Light had not thought possible. He took in tall glass windows, sleek surfaces, and a gleaming grand piano. He did not take in L, who he had been expecting. There was no sign of him anywhere, not even a crumpled candy wrapper. If the detective weren’t so meticulous, Light would have assumed there’d been some mix up.

Light tossed his messenger bag aside and kicked his shoes off. He selected a black pair of slippers and made his way to the piano. He tapped a few keys absentmindedly and eyed the sheet music. It was Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. He played the first few notes out of tempo, and missed the fifth note, making a dull, flat sound.

“Charming as ever, Yagami-kun,” L said, and Light pretended to have heard him enter.

“It’s been some time since I touched a piano,” Light replied. “Middle school, I think. Do you play?”

L came up behind him. He tapped out the same notes Light had, with the same rhythm, and hit the same wrong note, all without looking at the music.

“Cocky as ever, Ryuzaki,” Light said, and turned toward him. His heart caught in his chest for a moment at the sight of L, his hair disheveled, his eyes puffy and gray, his white shirt hanging down a little too low on one side and exposing the top of his collarbone. He looked smug. He always looked smug. He’d looked so fucking smug the last time he’d seen him, when he’d been arresting him, and it had been infuriating and beautiful. Fortunately, Light had spent a good part of the morning preparing for this moment. He did not let his longing or his anger show, and only smiled coolly. 

“I apologize for not being here to greet you, Kira,” L chirped.

“I hope you have a good excuse,” Light shot back. “If I were Kira, I could have killed at least a dozen people while I was waiting.”

“Light-kun does not have his death note,” L played the notes again, clunky and awkward. “The new Kira does. Are you frustrated by that?”

Light was more frustrated with L’s self-satisfaction. “And what about your death note? You’re certain he doesn’t have that?”

“Fairly.” L played the wrong note again. “Absolutely, in fact.”

“Good for you.”

L glanced up at Light from the piano and smirked. Then he turned to amble into the next room. Light trailed after. This next room was just as sleek and gorgeous, dark surfaces glittering faintly. The only break in its perfection was the sofa. It was white leather, and the matching armchair had been dragged from its place across the room, leaving a dark space beside. Two other dining room chairs were placed there as well, and a tea trolly had been torn apart, which was probably L’s doing. L picked a laptop up from the table by the screen and dropped it into the chair, revealing several grids of letters and numbers. L picked up a folder, next, and handed it to Light.

“It’s a little messy,” L said, the apology glaringly absent. “I want you to look over this, but first let me show you your room.”

Light grabbed his bag and followed L past more luxurious rooms. There was a bathroom with a huge, sunken tub. L gestured at it haphazardly. “You can feel free to use that, though you do have your own.” He then took Light past a bedroom, in which Light could see unused king beds, and opened a door. “And this room is yours.”

There was indeed a private bathroom, as well as two twin beds, and ample places to work and sit. The curtains were open, revealing a balcony, and beyond it a glittering view of the city.

“Is it to Yagami-kun’s satisfaction?” L asked.

Light looked back at L. “This is fine.”

L dipped his head. He held Light’s gaze for a moment, then clucked his tongue. “I’ll let you get to it.

L turned and shut the door behind him. Light watched it for a moment, half-expecting him to re-enter, but he did not return. He then glanced around the suite. Knowing L, there would be somewhere from ten to one hundred cameras in this room, depending on how much he suspected Light’s involvement in these new killings. Light was willing to bet the number was closer to a hundred, because L tended to go overboard.

The cameras would be an issue, but they weren’t pressing. Besides, Light was sure he would be able to find a way to use them to his advantage. He glanced at the bed and wondered, briefly, if L had gone to the trouble of installing them at angles where he could watch Light laying there as though he had joined him.

He went to place his bag in the closet, then took the file over to the workstation. He left it there while he showered, and carefully checked the bathroom for cameras. There were four that he could see easily, and another five that were obscured.

Light mulled over the facts he knew, the ones that wouldn’t be in the folder, while he washed his hair. If L was certain his notebook hadn’t been stolen, that meant that Ryuk was with this so-called new Kira. Had Ryuk simply passed on the notebook, or had the new Kira found it? Light wondered absentmindedly if L’s invitation to work the case meant he was no longer a suspect. He noted, with interest, that he had purchased Light’s preferred brands of soaps. When Light emerged from the bathroom, he felt more himself than he had in some time.

After several hours leafing through the folder, Light’s phone rang. First, one ring on his cell phone, then two on the hotel line in his room. Light reached over and picked it up.

“Hello, Light-kun,” L said. “This hotel has a raspberry tart I would rather like to try, and I was thinking of ordering an early lunch. Would you like anything?”

“I’m in the room right next to yours,” Light replied. “Why not  _ walk over _ ?”

“Well,” L answered. “That would take valuable time away from my work. Perhaps I should arrest you for obstruction of justice.”

“I don’t think I have a menu.”

“I’ll read it to you. Let’s see, I’m looking at the dessert menu — there’s a chocolate fondant, a cheesecake—”

“I don’t think I want dessert.”

“Just a moment, Light, I’m reading. Apple pie, ice cream — it seems that changes every day, so if you want it, I’ll have to call in and check. Then there’s a fruit plate, and coffee—”

“I’ll definitely need a coffee, after this conversation.”

“Watari, get a coffee for Kira.”

“Get me one too,” Light said, and L snorted.

“And a curry too,” L said, and the line went dead.

When the food arrived, L called Light again. Light had been reading one of the books he’d found in the room, some annotated antique whose plot he’d yet to determine, and was more than willing to part with it and join Light in his work station. In the time since Light had last seen it, the tea trolley had been replaced and a mound of candy wrappers had spread around the base of L’s chair. Wedy was sitting across from him with her feet up on the table, headphones plugging into her laptop and typing loud and fast. Light sat down on the sofa and watched L carefully measure a spoon of sugar into his teacup, then another. After the fourth spoon, he coughed politely.

“One moment,” L said. “Your coffee’s over there.” Light picked it up and took a sip as L measured two more spoons, so his cup was almost filled, before he reached for the teapot. He poured with only his index finger hooked under its handle, a practice that had always put Light on edge, but which so far had yet to result in any spills.

“You already have this part of the message.” Light tapped the table, where L had scrawled on it in marker, as L looked up from his cup. “It’s seriously annoying when you omit the current theories just for the hell of it.”

“Merely an oversight,” L muttered, taking Light’s folder from him. “This is interesting. You’ve written down four letters.”

“Yes.” Light reclined on the sofa, crossing his legs. “I went through the regions where the deaths took place. A good deal of them start with the same four letters.”

“R, Y, U, and K.” L narrowed his eyes. “I suppose K could be a reference to Kira… Could R mean Rem, then? And Y for Yotsuba. But that would be utterly nonsensical.”

Light shrugged. “It could just be a weird coincidence.” It wasn’t. The message was meant for him, but he had no idea who was sending it. It confirmed what he’d already known, that Ryuk was associated with this new Kira, but Light thought it unlikely that he would have gone to the effort of sending Light a message, especially one so meaningless. So far, he could only theorize that this new Kira was trying to get his attention, which he thought was pretty flimsy. Light didn’t want L to get suspicious until he worked things out, so Light decided to add something else into the mix. “Maybe R is supposed to mean Ryuzaki, or Ryuga? If that were the case, it could be a message about how you caught Higuchi. Ryuzaki, Yotsuba, U, Kira?” Light laughed. “U could be  _ up, _ in English? Since you were in that helicopter.”

L did not laugh, but did push Light’s curry toward him and start stuffing raspberry tart into his mouth. Light, who was not remotely hungry, ate a few bites of the curry before returning to watching L eat and read through his notes, trying hard to keep the bitterness off his face. When L looked up at him, he looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“You said you didn’t want dessert, Light-kun,” he said. “Here, you can have some of the rest.”

“No,” Light said. “It’s just a little tedious to watch you checking my work when I know you’ve already done it yourself, especially when you can’t seem to chew with your mouth closed.”

L swallowed thickly. “What do you make of the deaths in New York?”

Light raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

L chewed his lip thoughtfully. “Nothing, yet. I have a meeting soon, but there’s a selection of books I find quite interesting in my room. Feel free to take a few. No,” L corrected himself. “Don’t take the Milton or the Augustine. They’re precious to me.”

“Right.” Light rolled his eyes and stood up. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but it had certainly been a better use of his time than this. At least the coffee wasn’t bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so much again for reading! comment to let me know what you thought and I'll see you soon! <3


	3. Visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was rather tired when I edited this chapter so I apologize for any glaring errors! Thank you so much again for all the positive feedback and I hope you enjoy this Thickening Plot! The next chapter is where we'll really start to get that sweet sweet L/Light content, but this fic is tagged slow burn for a reason!

Light spent the next two days avoiding L to the best of his ability. He hadn’t spent this much time in this close a proximity to the detective since before he’d gotten his memories back, which had been a very different situation. And, Light was now forced to remember, with very different boundaries. To say they had become a couple during the investigation would be an exaggeration, but they had certainly been involved, and it was infuriating to be reminded of this every time L so much as asked him a question. Not that L ever brought it up, or even behaved in a way that suggested he wanted to remind Light. Still, he had ways of widening his eyes slightly when he asked Light a question, brushing up against him when he passed by, and fidgeting with his lip that drove Light completely crazy. He was living in a constant state of longing, blurred with white-hot fury at how fucking weird L was, which combined into frustration so strong Light could barely make it through a conversation with L before he felt ready to punch him in the face. Light could only hope L hadn’t noticed.

L’s current strategy for keeping Light occupied seemed to be a deluge of books that he “wanted Light’s thoughts on” or “might reveal something about Kira’s motives,” which Light supposed was better than intentionally needling him to the point of collapse, but was still annoying. So far, Light had spent his abundant free time locked in his room reading these works.

The first was L’s annotated translation of  _ The Crucible _ , which had taken up a whole day. This was no small feat as L had taken the liberty of crossing out entire lines and rewriting them, and shoved lengthy tangents debating word choice and noting historic inaccuracies into the remaining free space. L’s handwriting wasn’t necessarily illegible, but it did change frequently, and occasionally overlapped itself. More irritating was L’s habit of switching between languages as he wrote to use the word he felt best applied and, as this was a personal translation, he of course made no note of what languages these other words were in. Light had already taken advantage of L’s credit card and purchased Japanese dictionaries of German, Russian, and Spanish, and a proper English dictionary through the hotel. Excluding the time it took these to arrive, it still took him nearly six hours to comb through the play and make sense of L’s inane ramblings on it. By the time he finished, Light was thinking hard about asking the front desk to send up a match so Light could set the damn thing on fire. Instead, he threw it at the wall. 

Next came a copy of the Bible, with pages so thin L’s notes showed through. They felt greasy to the touch and Light gagged each time he turned one. Occasionally, sticky powder would fall when the book was moved. It smelled sweet and Light thought it might be dried frosting. Light found the Bible to be utterly boring, and L’s notes to be even more uninteresting. It seemed that he’d picked up this particular copy during the Kira investigation, but he’d lost interest in it not too far in. He’d perked back up during a few key stories, but never returned to his former urgency. The notes here had required additional Latin and Hebrew dictionaries. This took up the rest of his first day and all of the next, and when Light finished around eleven at night on May third, he decided to just go to sleep.

On May fourth, Light carefully tore out a page near the end of the book out of spite. No words were printed on it, but L had spilled coffee and then doodled an apple on it. Light thought about shredding it, but folded it up and put it in his wallet before going to return the book to L’s room. He then went to the kitchen to take whatever breakfast L had ordered for him — something with smoked salmon — and spotted the detective lurking in his workspace with Wedy. He currently had a tray of pudding cups, which was easily Light’s least favorite food to watch L eat. He lifted a hand in greeting to Light, but did not break eye contact with Wedy. This was a relief, and Light swept back into his room and locked the door again. He left the breakfast on his desk and went to shower.

L normally had his morning meeting at nine, and wouldn’t wrap up until at least noon, so Light could take his time with the shower. He scrubbed himself until he felt satisfied, then turned the water off and wrapped himself in one of the hotel’s towels. He spent some time on his skincare routine, then blow-dried his hair. He felt more up for some reading now. Working mousse through his hair, Light opened the bathroom door to let himself out, started when he saw Rem and closed it, then opened it again. She was still there.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, then covered his mouth. This was a mistake, as there was still mousse in it, and it tasted quite bitter. Light let his hand fall. “No, I’m not talking to you, I haven’t done anything.”

Light pushed past Rem, which was quite easy, as she was incorporeal at the moment. He was glad he had a towel on.

“Light Yagami,” Rem greeted him. Light sat down on the bed.

“Do you want something?” Light raised an eyebrow. This was an annoying hurdle. If Rem did want something, surely it would have to do with the notebook. Did she want it back, because it wasn’t being used? Light couldn’t give it back, and that would be as good as a confession for L. Light bit his tongue then asked, delicately, “Do you have the notebook?”

Rem blinked, which Light did not find helpful, and then picked up a paper from his workspace. She frowned at it.

“There is a new Kira,” Rem said. She did not sound remotely interested. “Is that right?”

“Yes,” Light nodded. “Has Ryuzaki spoken to you about it?”

“I have been in the Shinigami realm.” Rem blinked at Light again. Her eyes seemed larger and darker than usual. She looked at Light, blankly, and dipped her head. “I have been watching. I have seen the new Kira.”

“Could you tell me who it is?”

“There was a point when I might have been able to, but it has past.” Rem narrowed her eyes now, her pupils turning to slits. She lifted a bony finger, and pointed at Light. “The new Kira is searching for you and Misa, as he believes you to be his predecessors.”

Light’s breath caught. “Why?”

“I do not know, but I fear he is close.”

Light nodded. The rest of the statement, half threat and half plea, hung in the air. “I’ll talk to Ryuzaki about it,” he promised. “Did you visit Misa?”

Rem shook her head, her whole body swaying. 

“Are you… going to stay? Or…” he trailed off as Rem lifted her finger to her lips.

“There is something else, Light Yagami. Not a warning.” She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking, then spoke again. Her voice was achingly slow. “Another Shinigami has left our world and come to yours. I can tell you no more — I know nothing of their business.”

Light opened his mouth to press her further but Rem’s wings had already spread and, within seconds, she has passed through the wall and into the sky. Light fell back onto his bed, incredibly irritated. He rolled onto his stomach and hissed into his blankets. It was so like her to arrive and give him useless information. And didn’t this new Kira know that coming after Light would just make it easier for L to arrest them both? At least Rem had handled the conversation with tract. Light didn’t think either of them had said anything incriminating and could be thankful for that.

When he’d finished pouring over the conversation, he toweled off and changed into his favorite sweater. He spent a few hours with the novel L had given him the night before, something pulpy and biblical that Light thought was supposed to be fun. He read the words without taking in any of the story or characters, and picked at his smoked salmon. After a few hours had passed, he checked his watch. It was the same one he’d always carried, with the piece of the death note hidden inside. Light was glad to have it with him. Sometimes, under the blankets, he would pop out the compartment with paper from the death note and press his finger to it. It was incredibly calming. At least, if this new Kira was out for blood, Light would have this small protection.

According to his watch, L’s meeting was probably done, so Light headed out. To his surprise, he spotted Matsuda passing out into the hallway leading to the door. If Matsuda saw him, he gave no sign of it, merely waving to L and turning on his heel. Light hadn’t realized that the original task force had been reassembled, though it made sense. If nothing else, it kept L from expanding his circle.

L turned and noticed Light. “Ah, Light-kun! Perfect timing.” L collapsed back into his chair and picked up what seemed to be the last pudding cup, to Light’s relief. He peeled its cover off and begin to spoon it into his mouth, not bothering to swallow. “Watari said you had a visitor.”

“Yes, the Shinigami showed up.” Light sat down across from L. “She wanted to speak about the new Kira.”

L finished loading the pudding cup into his mouth. He swallowed, coughed, then finished swallowing. Light tried not to recoil, managing to keep his reaction to a scowl. “And she came to you because you own the notebook. I don’t think I need to remind you, by the way, that I’m still waiting for you to give up ownership.”

Light ignored him. His continued ownership of the notebook was L’s last claim to his guilt, but he still hadn’t found a way to give up the notebook and hold onto his memories under L’s supervision. But he’d already dealt with his anger at this failure in his plan, and pushed it down easily now. “She seems to believe that the new Kira is searching for the identities of the first Kiras.”

“Are you confessing at last?” L tilted his head, frowning. “Out of fear? How unlike you.”

“Hardly.” Light raised an eyebrow. “But every record would take him straight to me, no? Misa and I  _ are _ the only arrested suspects, since Higuchi died. And I’ll save you the trouble of checking the tapes. Rem said another Shinigami came to the human world. But she wouldn’t say why.”

“Hmm.”

L stood up and left, without another word. Light, who was used to this, crossed his legs and arms. When L behaved this way, he always made it a point to be classy.

L returned shortly. “Yes, so it seems.”

“I just told you you didn’t have to check the tapes,” Light pointed out. “Anyway, you should up your security on Misa. Where is she?”

“Yes,” L agreed. “I’ll have Watari deal with it immediately. If this new Kira approaches her, we’ll want to know about it, and there is the matter of personal safety. Are you worried?”

Light mulled this question over and found the truth wasn’t far from what he’d have to tell L. “I’d gladly risk my life for this case, but being killed by a Kira imposter for no real reason hardly seems worthwhile. But I doubt it’ll come to that. Surely you’ve already got a pretty good idea where he is.” Light gestured to a map that had been left on the table. It was covered in powdered-sugar fingerprints and red circles. 

“Oh, dear.” L frowned at the map. “I meant to deal with that before you came in. Yes, we’ve narrowed things down significantly, though I’ll brief you on that later.” L swung his back down onto the seat of the chair, so his legs were hanging over the back. He looked up at Light, like a demented bat. “While you’re here, Light, I wanted to ask you some questions.”

Light nodded. “Ask away.”

“You’re not going to like it.” L ran his tongue across his teeth. “I’ll be needing some information on the time you spent as Kira. I’m afraid you’re really going to have to humor me here.”

Light clenched his hand, and L saw it, his eyes immediately fixing on it and his mouth forming a small  _ o. _ His gaze followed it as Light reached up to sweep the hair out of his eyes.

“Ryuzaki,” Light said. His voice was cold. “You understand why it’ll be very hard to do that.”

“Yes.” L looked from Light’s hands to his eyes. “Your absolute refusal to confess and admit defeat.”

“The fact that I’m not Kira.” Light refolded his arms, squeezing them as he did. “I  _ have _ humored you. I can recognize that the evidence points to me, at least for the Kira active before my first arrest, and my inability to give up the notebook is condemning. Even if I don’t remember acting as Kira, I’m still willing to serve time for a crime I  _ might _ have committed. But I can’t tell you about something I don’t remember doing.”

“I think you do remember acting as Kira.” L reached, still upside down, for the tea trolley by his chair and knocked over the sugar pot. It spilled across the tray, which L didn’t seem to notice. He kept patting the tray in search of whatever he wanted. “You actually  _ wouldn’t  _ have to serve time for crimes you didn’t remember. At least, that’s the deal I’m presenting to you, not for the first time. If you gave up the notebook, you’d lose your memories.” His hands closed on the box of sugar cubes and brought it to his mouth.

“You’re so fucking gross,” Light snapped. He was annoyed that L was bringing this up, but he hadn’t been able to throw the best rebuke he’d come up with post-arrest when things had been arranged last time, so he was glad he’d have a chance to now. He just had to keep L on track. “And I don’t need to remind you that we don’t know exactly what giving up the notebook would do to me. I think it’s very likely it would kill me.”

“That’s ridiculous.” L dropped a sugarcube in his mouth. “We have no reason to believe it would do anything worse than erase your memories.”

Light raised an eyebrow and delivered his rebuttal.

“Ryuzaki,” he cooed. “I have no idea that things ended  _ that _ badly between us.”

L choked on his sugarcube and coughed into his arm. “Excuse me? Is  _ that _ what you think? No wonder you’ve been so difficult.” He twisted and sat up, a little too quickly. “It doesn’t matter. At this point, we need your memories. I have several questions regarding the deaths I found that I believe to have been Kira’s doing, and their accuracies. We only have one of the notebooks. You had another, didn’t you? I can take a look at it. Or you can just tell me, but I’m not expecting you to remember the name of every person you’ve killed. Your work was certainly exhaustive.”

“I don’t have another notebook. The only notebook I _ have _ is the one you keep under lock and key who knows where—”

“It’s in the hotel safe,” L said brightly, which Light filed away for later use. Surely it was a lie, but he would mull it over later.

“—and I haven’t killed anyone with it.”

“Right,” L said. “But I'd like to know if a particular prisoner being held in the U.S. was killed by the first Kira, as his name isn’t in the notebook we have. And the only way I have to do that is you. I believe this entire case hinges on him.”

“Even if I was Kira, I doubt I’d remember every single person.”

“How heartless of you.”

“ _ You  _ wouldn’t, either.”

“Well,” L said. “It’s clear Kira doesn’t eat enough sugar.” He tossed a sugar cube at Light as he said this.

Light’s grimace didn’t break. “Why do you need to know? Do you think there’s a third notebook, or that this criminal is Kira? I don’t see how the whole case could hinge on him. Especially since you seem pretty sure this second Kira is also in Japan.”

“Well, if this new Kira is looking for you, they surely know our last Kira was in Japan. It wouldn’t be hard to start watching for Japanese arrests and discharges to kill criminals here and keep us distracted.”

L said this in a tone that made it clear he didn’t think this was the case. Light uncrossed his legs and leaned forward.

“That’s not why though. You know you can trust me, right? Even if I  _ were _ Kira,” Light added, for good measure. “I want to see whoever this new person is brought to justice.”

That was, very technically, true.

L sighed. “Unfortunately, Yagami-kun, this may very well be a completely different case. If that proves true, I will be unable to provide details, as it will be classified.”

“Right,” Light nodded. “I didn’t expect anything else.”

“There’s no need to get worked up.” L narrowed his eyes. “If I thought I could talk to you about it safely, I would.”

“The deaths in New York City were all heart attacks or accidents. That sounds like Kira to me.”

“Did you finish the Bible?” L asked, visibly annoyed.

“Yeah.”

“What’d you think?”

“I thought it was boring, and I thought your notes sucked.”

“Yagami-kun, you do realize that the Shinigami visiting you instead of me  _ proves  _ you’re Kira, yes? Even if you’re the owner, she knows I’m handling the case. Rem clearly was asking you to speak to me, even if she knows she can do so herself. I can think of no reason for this other than a previously established relationship.”

Light stood up sharply. He did know that. “Well, good for you. Now I’m going to watch whatever shitty television I can find, because it’ll be better than your shitty book.”

“Enjoy,” L called out, and Light stomped back into his room.


	4. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! Last night I wrote the first sex scene for this fic and it made me eager to post an update. I promise it won't be TOO far off! Until then, enjoy literary conversations and Misa Misa!
> 
> If you haven't read The Crucible, it's a play by Arthur Miller about the Salem Witch trials. It was written during the McCarthy trials, Miller was widely believed to be a Communist sympathizer and the McCarthy trials were meant to root out Communists in America. "McCarthyism" is now synonymous with making serious accusations, usually of treason, without evidence. That's pretty much all you need to know to get Light and L's conversation about it!

In the end, L decided that it would be safest for Misa to cancel her upcoming tour. He weighed the options carefully, but in the end, there was no way to keep Kira from approaching her. L called her manager later that day. Fortunately, that manager was on his payroll; Misa was currently surrounded and controlled by L’s agents. Her current work was really little more than an elaborate form of arrest, which L doubted Misa had picked up on.

He called the manager to alert her to the change in plans, and then called Misa to tell her in person. L went to voicemail the first time, then called again.

“What is it?” she answered sharply.

“It’s Ryuzaki.”

Her voice instantly sweetened. “Ryuzaki?!” she repeated, as though she had to check. “It’s been for _ ever _ since you called or came to one of my shows! Are you coming to see me and bring me flowers?”

Misa had warmed up to L considerably in the last year, which L thought might be because he clearly respected her talent while seeing through it, but it was probably just because he was her only throughline to check in on Light. They spoke semi-regularly.

“Actually, you’re coming to me.” L was sitting at his work station, and reached over for his tea. It was cold, but sweet enough. “I’ve just spoken to your manager. Unfortunately, because of the new Kira killings, we’ll have to cancel your tour.”

“What?  _ Nooooo!” _ Misa wailed. “You  _ can’t! _ I was supposed to leave Japan this time! I was going international!”

“It’s just not safe.” L had reviewed the tape of Light speaking to the Shinigami carefully. Rem had been capable of warning Misa, but chose not to, which L believed was because she thought Misa would seek the new Kira out or encourage him. She did remain a known supporter of Kira. L would have to choose his words carefully to avoid inciting her. “We have reason to suspect the new Kira is coming after you.”

“Huh? After me?”

“We can’t be certain, but we believe he knows you and Light were incarcerated as suspects and wishes to do you harm.” Misa yelped. The sadistic part of L loved talking to her because her reactions were always incredibly dramatic. “Furthermore, as you were arrested as Kira, it would be irresponsible for you to remain free while this investigation continues. We already booked your ticket here.”

“Noooooo, you can’t do that! Ryuzaki!” Misa groaned. “Why can’t I just leave the country? It’s not like Kira will come after  _ me! _ He probably knows I support him! And I’m obviously not the Second Kira since I’m on tour!”

As expected, reason would not work on Misa Amane. L would have to pull out the big guns.

“Light is very worried about you,” he told her. “He was the one who expressed concern.”

Misa let out an awed gasp.

“He approached me about it earlier today. I’ve already spoken to the hotel staff about renting you a suite adjacent to ours. Of course, you’ll have to be isolated until we can guarantee you aren’t working with Kira, but after this, you could join Light and I on the investigation.”

“Light’s with you?” she asked slowly. “ _ Not  _ in house arrest?”

“He’s in house arrest with the task force. He moved in a few days ago.”

“Are you handcuffed together?”

L glanced down at his hand. “No. Actually, he has his own suite.”

He could practically hear Misa mulling things over.

“You know Light and I aren’t dating anymore,” she said bleakly. “He broke up with me after you arrested him.”

“Yes, you’ve told me.”

“Are you sure  _ he _ asked for me to come stay? You don’t think it’ll be weird?  _ He _ wants me there?”

“We all want what is best for Amane-chan.”

Misa sniffled. “It would be so good to see him again. And you too, I guess.”

L wracked his brain for anyone else Misa liked. “Matsuda is here too.”

_ “Matsui!  _ Fine, I’ll come! Don’t talk to me about it anymore though or I’ll change my mind! I’m going to go pack.”

There was a click as she hung up, and L tossed his phone away. He supposed that had gone well. And he’d hardly even had to stretch the truth. He could hardly have told her that it  _ would  _ be incredibly awkward to have her around, as things with Light were already strange enough without bringing his ex-girlfriend into the mix, but it  _ was  _ Light who had brought the matter to L’s attention.

At this point, L felt certain that Misa had no involvement with the new Kira. After all, the Shinigami would have had no reason to express concern for her safety if Misa had already joined up with the new Kira. And, if Misa and the new Kira were trying to use the Shinigami to get Misa back to L, likely so she could kill him, they probably would have sent the Shinigami directly to L, or relied on some other trick. The fact that Rem had come to Light was utterly fascinating. On the surface, it might have seemed that she was only appealing to him because he owned the notebook, but L had spoken to her several times since L’s arrest and it was clear that she knew to handle him the same as she would Light. Her approaching him indicated something about her personal relationships with both Misa and Light. It had always been clear that Rem held Misa in high regard and it was obvious that this bond was not superficial. She was familiar enough with Misa to know that Light was more important to her than L, and conversely, that Misa might means something more to Light than him. Perhaps it was nothing, but L was surprised to see how human her emotions and understanding of relationships was.

Of course, there was also the fact that her conversation with Light had indicated a history of conversations, which all but confirmed Light was Kira, but that wasn’t worth pursuing at the moment. Light would deny any relationship he might have with Rem, and Rem would not admit to any familiarity with him.

L sighed in annoyance, and went to flick through his notes again. At the moment, Light’s being Kira wasn’t important. His behavior had made it clear to the task force that he was guilty, or at the very least too suspicious to be allowed to go free, but he had no access to the notebook and no way of killing. Still, being reunited with Misa might prompt him to start pursuing his role as Kira again. L would have to monitor his actions following her return very carefully — doubtless it would benefit Light to stay with the investigation for now, as L had his notebook and he also needed to know the identity of this new Kira if he intended to usurp him, but he would still be a volatile source of energy.

L was also itching to hear what Light had thought of  _ The Crucible _ , so he dragged himself up and across the suite, and down the hallway to his room. Light had left his door open, probably in a bid to regain L’s trust. In his own bid to regain Light’s, L knocked anyway.

Light, who was laying in bed watching television, pretended not to hear him.

L thought about knocking louder but decided that would be a childish response to Light’s already childish behavior, so instead he turned around to leave.

“Ryuzaki!” Light called out. “I didn’t realize you were there!” He turned off the television’s sound and L shuffled back into the room, victorious. “Did you need something? Is there new information on the case?”

“Hardly.” L slouched further down, shoving his hands into his pockets. Their texture was familiar and he rubbed the fabric between his fingers to avoid thinking about how concerned Light looked, how interested in whatever it was L had come to tell him, and how it was all certainly a mask for how badly he wanted to kill him. “I’m actually making a social call. Did you finish the Miller?”

Fury flashed in Light’s eyes, then subsided.

“I’d hardly call it that,” Light said. His voice sparkled, the way it always did when he made jokes, like champagne. It made L’s heart burn and curl up. “With so much of  _ your _ writing in there, it was really more of a Ryuzaki.”

L’s mouth curved up into a smile. “I must admit, I did take some time to make the translation perfect.”

“Your ‘translation’ was too convoluted,” Light informed him, his voice suddenly icy. He stood and crossed the room to pull the play from his bookshelf. “You’re too concerned with preserving the overall morals and not Miller’s language. Short sentences become long-winded monologues as people talk around words to express their exact meaning, which ruins the pacing of the dialogue.”

“How fortunate that I am not a translator,” L said coolly. He hoped Light didn’t see that he had wounded his pride. “This isn’t for performance, but rather my own allegorical use. Besides, I was enquiring about your thoughts on the Miller,  _ not  _ the Ryuzaki.”

“It was far too allegorical. I dislike any story that feels like a flyer getting shoved down my throat.”

“And what exactly was being shoved down Light-kun’s throat?” Light raised an eyebrow. L coughed into his fist, and posed a different question. “I wonder what Light-kun thought of the farmer Giles?”

Light smirked. “I thought you’d ask me about him. Of course, I’m supposed to relate to him. Giles Corey is accused of a crime with evidence against him, even though he is innocent. He’s pressed — and thank you for the long note detailing how that particular method of tortue worked — until he confesses, but he never does, and calls out for more weight until he’s been tortured to death. Of course, that’s the whole thesis of Miller’s play. It’s better not to give in when one is right.”

“I disagree.” Light cocked his head, clearly interested, and L went on. “There’s the matter of John Proctor. If he had confessed from the play’s onset, none of the dreadful events would have followed.”

“Confessed to witchcraft, or adultery?”

L shrugged. “Would it really have mattered? To Proctor, the loss of his good name is akin to death. Even if he weren’t executed for adultery, the shame could very well kill him.”

“But Proctor is a hypocrite. He refuses to compromise his integrity, but committed the cardinal sin of adultery.”

“His hypocrisy proves that Miller is not suggesting he is doing the right thing.”

Light looked annoyed. “That may well be true, but there’s the matter of historic context, which supplements my argument.”

“Do great works not exist outside of their contexts?”

“If you think my understanding is wrong,” Light said. “It probably speaks more to your botched editing than my reading of the play.” L wondered if he had backed Light into a corner.

“Touché. If you’re done, I can take it back.”

“No, I’ll revisit it.” He flipped through the pages, uninterested, then tossed it aside “But I didn’t answer your question. I imagine I’m meant to relate to Proctor and Corey both, but I actually found them quite irritating.”

“Well,” L said. “Light-kun can be irritating when he sets his mind to it.”

“So can you.”

“Is that why you’re avoiding me?”

A smile split Light’s face. Light had two kinds of smiles, the soft and the sharp, and this one was like broken glass. If L had run a finger across it, he would have bled into Light’s perfect mouth.

“Yes,” Light told him. “It is.”

He put his chin in his hand and looked up at L. It was a warm look, almost uncomfortably so. Light’s eyes were discordantly cold, sizing L up. When he finally spoke, his voice was silky and low. The atmosphere had changed drastically, and L found his skin itching under his clothes.

“The last time I saw you,” Light told him. “Things were very different between us.”

“Yes,” L agreed. “That is accurate.”

The room smelled like soap, which meant Light had showered recently. Light always dried himself off carefully but L could see a sheen of wet along his collarbone, making his shirt collar cling to him. L thought wistfully about peeling the fabric away, his fingers twitching with longing, and he rubbed the inside of his pockets harder. Of course Light had to be sitting in bed for this conversation. He’d probably done that on purpose.

“Before you so suddenly arrested me,” Light went on. “I had the impression that things would continue as they were. Perhaps that was naive. But it’s still worth pointing out, Ryuzaki, that in the last conversation we had before my arrest, you never bothered to break things off with me.”

“That was insensitive of me,” L said carefully. He wasn’t sure what, exactly, Light was trying to get out of him now. “I was more concerned with professionalism in that moment. Ironically, it may have resulted in unscrupulous behavior.”

“I’m hardly concerned about  _ professionalism, _ ” Light snapped. He swung his legs around so he was facing L properly. “You can be a real ass, you know that?”

“Light-kun has told me so.”

“Before you so unceremoniously threw me aside,” Light went on. “I’d spent most of my time with you.” The tone of his voice changed now, growing more vulnerable, which L supposed was meant to make him feel guilty, but Light’s eyes betrayed him. They were still cold. “You’re supposed to be some great genius, Ryuzaki. Surely you realized I was developing feelings for you?” When L didn’t respond, Light continued, finally looking away to stare at the silent television. “Of course, I didn’t push it, and I don’t think I need to explain why. What those feelings  _ meant _ were a lot for me to unpack. Rather stupidly, I thought I had the time to unpack them. And,” here his voice grew cold to match his look, “Rather stupidly, I thought you might share some of them.”

“Light-kun is hardly stupid,” L said, and Light glared at him.

“Oh,” Light said. “So you  _ do  _ care about me? That’s why you arrested me for a crime I didn’t commit?”

“I’m the one who was foolish.” That caught Light off guard; he probably hadn’t expected L to admit to his own fallibility. “Though you may well be an idiot too, if you think I didn’t feel anything. Actually, I felt quite strongly about you, and still do, and it’s making things very difficult. But that doesn’t matter, and it shouldn’t have mattered. You were, and still are, my primary suspect. My involvement with you was a massive oversight in judgement that disregarded not just the investigation, but your own well-being. It was selfish and unethical.”

Light smiled unkindly. “Yes. It would be terrible for you to be unethical, wouldn’t it?”

“Hypocrisy doesn’t suit you,” L snapped.

“And you wear it so well?”

“If you are so unhappy with my presence,” L sid. “We can arrange a new method of house-arrest. Returning to the Kira case means you’ll have to be under closer observation, but you are under no obligation to live with me or even assist me.”

Light stood. Now he was directly across from L, only a step or two away. “Are you threatening me?”

“The power imbalance a threat would require is perhaps the  _ exact _ reason I cannot act on my feelings for Yagami-kun, good or bad.”

Light glanced L up and down, his eyes cutting right through him. L felt fixed to the spot.

“I’m tired of reading your annotated works,” Light said. “If we’re not being unprofessional here, I see no reason why I shouldn’t join the investigation properly.” L opened his mouth to protest, but Light cut him off. “Even if I  _ were _ Kira, I already know the names and faces of most involved parties so it’s obvious that I don’t care about escaping enough to pursue killing you all. Last time I needed to prove my innocence, I joined the team, and I see no reason not to do so now. Besides, with the time you spend showering me in evidence and asking what I think, it seems like you’re wasting more time by separating me from the others.”

“You joined us  _ last _ time,” L pointed out. “A lot has changed since then.”

“Like?”

“It’s no longer entirely up to me. I can’t force anyone to work alongside a serial killer.”

“Good thing I’m not a serial killer. And you force them to work alongside Wedy and Aiber.”

“I don’t force anyone to work alongside them, and even if I did, they have no established record of killing officers who pursue them.”

“Suggest it to them.” Light dropped back down onto the bed. “It can’t hurt. And I’ll remind you that it would be very  _ unprofessional _ to bar me from joining because it would make  _ you  _ uncomfortable.”

“‘Uncomfortable’ is a strong word.  _ Distracted _ might be better.”

“You’re the genius, Ryuzaki. You figure it out.”

Light took up the remote and turned the sound back on, louder than before. L thought about stealing his attention back, by cornering him with the evidence his conversation with Rem had pointed to, or more pleasantly, by dropping down onto the bed after him. L ached for things to be simpler again, for the case to be full of dead-ends and Light’s guilt, while certain, incomprehensible.

Feeling spiteful, he locked the door on his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> breaking news: this isn't just a fix-it fic for l and light, it's also a fix-it fic to undo the misa amane character assassination. misa misa, if you're out there, i will die for you.


	5. Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm just gonna toss this update at you and disappear back into my dark little writing cave :)

No one else knew why L was ignoring the New York deaths.

Light wasn’t part of the briefings, or the summarizing meetings at the end of the day, which he imagined was to decide what information the task force would keep from him. And so far, the members had all avoided speaking to Light outside of the case, but it was only a matter of time until Matsuda broke on that front. But Light didn’t need to press anyone to know they were noticing it too. More interesting, no one knew why. Everyone presented evidence regarding New York, but clearly did so with reluctance, as they knew L would note that it was interesting, and then brush it aside.

L was also clearly frustrated. It seemed most of the evidence gathered had pointed to the new Kira working similarly to the first — based in the Kanto region, with the schedule of a student or worker — was now functionally useless when paired with the information Rem had brought to the investigation. If the new Kira was seeking out the originals, he may very well know enough to mimic them effectively. What really fascinated Light was that this information hadn’t pushed L back toward New York. He claimed that, in the year that the Kira case had gone cold, information about criminals in other countries had become harder to access, and was apparently satisfied with this as proof that the new Kira was based in Japan.

For now, it didn’t matter why he was ignoring New York — his failure to explain it created an imbalance that Light could use to his advantage, even if Ryuk had told him this new Kira was based elsewhere. Light began to work directly counter to Ryuzaki, focusing only on the events in New York. The deaths in New York went back further than the event that was generally being considered the new Kira’s debut, and heart attacks weren’t the preferred method of death. Rather, this other killer relied on accidental deaths.

It seemed that this Kira had begun to work before Light even gave up ownership of his death note, but had been much slower and methodical in his experimentation. Light didn’t remember exactly who he had and hadn’t killed, especially not without his original notebook to compare against, but he certainly didn’t remember focusing on any specific prisons for weeks at a time, which was precisely what this Kira had done.

He had begun on the West Coast, at a relatively high security prison near San Francisco., where there had been a small increase in accidental deaths among prisoners and guards that lasted for almost a month, before moving up the coast. He refocused on smaller regional prisons. Light laid out a list of all thirty-seven facilities that he had targeted and suggested to the task force that the New York Kira had been moving to see his handiwork. Perhaps he had a job that brought him from prison to prison.

L listened intently but did not even bother to thank Light for the observation. Light bristled internally, thinking about how much time L spent congratulating Light during the Yotsuba investigation, even before they’d gotten involved. He was always telling Light how helpful his observations were. Now he spilled his tea on some of the notes Light had handed over and didn’t seem to notice.

But the others did.

Light waited a day before compiling a list of every employee at every institute, or working there on behalf of another group, and then found every single dual occurrence. He brought this to L too, suggesting that Kira had worked at several of the prisons, or had passed his notebook along through a train and relinquished ownership after the handoff.

“Wouldn’t that be pretty stupid?” L asked when Light had finished. Light gaped. “If destroying the notebook would kill them all, why let so many people touch it? Unless Light-kun believes that rule was fake?”

Light had almost forgotten about that particular fake rule, but couldn’t believe L was responding to a theory by speculating about whether Light was Kira,  _ or  _ that he was calling him stupid. His stun was genuine, and it paid off. Light saw Ide share a look with Matsuda as Light sputtered something defensive, then turned silently and went back to his work. Only then did Light wonder if L was perhaps singling him out.

When they were all dismissed, Matsuda gave Light an apologetic look as L called out and asked him and Mogi to stay behind.

It was a good plan, Light thought. He didn’t linger to listen in, knowing that it would seem suspicious, and taking the time to sigh loudly before he started down his hall would be much more effective. It was good of L to help him out so much by being an asshole. Light hadn’t even been planning to rely on his stinginess, but so long as the world was providing, who was he to decline?

If Light played the role of the put-down investigator, he might even be able to shake the suspicion of the rest of the task force. They would see him as someone harassed by L, and want to protect him. Light had just set out to remind them that L was obsessive but had forgotten that his best weapon in that field was himself: L’s well-established, all-consuming obsession. The innocent college student whose life — no, whose  _ family’s _ life — he’d derailed.

Once in his suite, Light filled a cup of water in the bathroom and brought it to his bedside. He found the page L had discussed with him, where Corey’s final words were spoken, and drank from the cup then spilled it, very carefully, on his hand. When he went to turn the page he pressed his hand flat against it then pretended to start, and look at it surprise. He shut the book and went to dry his hand on a towel, and when he came back he returned the book to his shelf, pages pressed together by the tomes on either side. He didn’t know how badly the pages would be distorted, but it would take time for L to correct and the cameras wouldn’t show any willful destruction. Apparently, petty rebukes like this were the best Light could do at the moment. Fortunately, Light was exceptional at being petty.

L came to see him about an hour later. Light hoped, in vain, that it was to apologize, and then felt sorry for himself for feeling so injured. L knocked on the door and Light stood up to answer it rather than calling him in. He wasn’t in the lounging mood and didn’t want L in his room.

Light opened the door and gave L a look Light designed to be both scathing and passive. L was thoroughly interested in his cuticle and missed it.

“Can I help you?” Light asked.

L looked up at Light and chewed his lip. “Unfortunately, yes. Could you come speak to Misa-chan for me?”

“No,” Light said, and went to shut the door, but L lurched in. Light wasn’t able to take a step back until a moment too late, and spent a heartbeat close enough to smell L. He smelled the way he always did, like cinnamon and buttercream, and Light felt dizzy enough to fall over.

“It’s rather urgent.” L sounded more depressed than normal. “We’ve had to reshuffle everyone’s living arrangements so the press won’t be able to locate her, and seeing as you two were Kira, she’ll have to be quarantined away from you. Matsuda and Mogi have just finished settling things back down but she’s very close to a temper tantrum.”

It took Light a few moments to fully compute L’s request. “Misa is… here?”

“Naturally. You  _ did _ ask me to ensure her safety. What did you think I would do?”

“You’re so weird,” Light snapped. “It’s like your two settings are ‘prison’ and ‘pet.’ Why can’t she just stay home?”

“I can’t ensure her safety if she’s home, and if the new Kira attempts to contact or find you, it will be better than you’re here. Both for the investigation, and you.”

Light pinched the bridge of his nose. “ _ I  _ didn’t have to isolate from anyone else when I got here.”

“Technically,” L said. “Misa-chan does not have to isolate. She merely can’t speak to you.”

Light looked up. “How have you reshuffled the living arrangements?” he asked.

“We can’t let the hotel staff know Misa-chan is here, so Matsuda will take the other room in her suite. It’s been long enough since he was her manager that the two aren’t associated and I thought they’d make good roommates.”

“Was that what you were speaking to Mogi and Matsuda about?”

“We had to finalize some things.”

“Have they all known she was coming?”

L bit down on his cheek. “Yes.”

“And you’re just telling me now, so Kira couldn’t plan anything.”

“Clearly.”

“Never mind  _ me, _ ” Light went on. “Her ex-boyfriend.  _ I _ wouldn’t want to know she was coming?”

“I’d have liked to have told you, but it wouldn’t have been prudent.”

“You’re being more of a dick than usual.”

“Yes,” L said contemplatively. “Anyway, I told Misa-chan that it was you who brought up the matter of her safety, and I think it would serve her well to hear from you that it will be best for her to handle this carefully.”

“No.” Light straightened, rolling his shoulders back. “Do you even hear yourself? You’re right that keeping Misa from seeing hotel staff is a safe course of action, and I understand not wanting her to spend time with me alone, but keeping her from seeing me at all when I’m allowed to wander around your suite and pitch in on the investigation is absurd, especially when  _ I’m _ your suspect. Either  _ I _ shouldn’t be allowed out, which is the unethical sort of stunt you love to pull, or we just shouldn’t be allowed in each other’s suites.”

L brought his thumb up to worry at his nail, clearly thinking what Light said through, which gave Light enough time to realize that L wasn’t being an unethical investigator half as much as a possessive piece of shit. “You’re jealous,” Light said before L could speak again. His glee bled into his voice. Light couldn’t explain why it made him so ecstatic, and L’s frown of objection only made it better. “I’m flattered, Ryuzaki, but aren’t  _ you  _ the one so dedicated to professionalism?”

L snorted. “Jealous? Of what? She’s  _ your _ ex. Last I checked, I had just about everything she did.”

“If you had it your way, you’d have one thing she didn’t.”

“We’ll compromise your plan and mine,” L decided coolly, as though Light hadn’t just seen through his bullshit. “You’ll each have restricted access to my suite — I can arrange a schedule, and you’ll be welcome in when I’m also out and about. I’ll go tell Misa-chan we’ve worked things out. Would you care to join me?”

“Actually,” Light smiled graciously. “I wouldn’t. I’m a little tired just now, and I’ll greet her whenever I see her.”

L had already stepped back through the doorway and hovered there, looking confused. “She’ll be very disappointed.”

“We’re not dating, so I imagine she’ll have to get used to it.”

L cocked his head. “It’s interesting. You know, I really don’t understand your relationship. You’ve never expressed any affection for her, but you didn’t end things with her when you lost your memories. You did so  _ after _ you got your memories back. Had she lost her use to you?”

It was infinitely more complicated than that. There was the fact that Light couldn’t tolerate the idea of house arrest with only L and Misa to talk to and L was the more important relationship to preserve, that shirking the second Kira suspect would make him seem more innocent, that doing the respectable thing and cutting Misa off from Kira would finally shake the looming terror of Rem’s pen, that it had finally started to sink in that he was probably gay. Besides, even if he did need Misa again, it was better to wait until L wasn’t watching their every move to tell her where his notebook was hidden. 

Light did not voice any of those thoughts. Instead, he said, quite boldly, the first thing that came to mind, an argument so great it would stop L in his tracks. “Ryuzaki, you spend too much time projecting.”

L rolled his eyes but stuck his hands in his pockets. That was his defensive pose. Light smiled comfortingly.

“You know,” he said softly. “You should really find someone to talk to about all this who  _ isn’t  _ me. For the sake of professionalism. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being your confidant, but you know as well as I do that the impulse to go to me for advice or help is unhealthy when you’re trying so hard to alter our relationship.”

He paused again and L gave him a dull glare, trying to cover his irritation with boredom, and raised his eyebrows as if to invite Light to continue. This was what Light loved about L; he was so intent to gather every possible piece of information before making his counter move, and then would make a move so risky it almost seemed irresponsible. He loved that he could open his mouth and let out the naked truth and it would be exactly what L needed to hear. He wanted to reach out when he spoke now, to cup L’s face so the words were more intimate, but could not push L that far. He reached out with his voice instead, letting it soften, dip.

“I wish I could see myself through your eyes,” Light told L, and somehow L’s expression changed completely without any movement. “I wonder what it is you’re so afraid will happen. What makes you so scared of me.”

L moved like a blur and Light thought he was going to kiss him, and then Light was on the floor with the air knocked out of him and L was back over his doorframe.

He had fucking kicked him.

“I don’t see why you’re always hitting me when you’re upset,” L said coldly. “That didn’t even make me feel better.”

Light sat up, barely suppressing a wince. “Screw you,” he hissed. “You think that’s more professional than having  _ sex _ ?”

“Sorry,” L said curtly. “But you were being an ass.”

“Hardly.” Light pushed himself back up to a stand. “I guess you’re scared enough to  _ attack  _ me,” he added wryly.

“Maybe it hasn’t occurred to you that I  _ am _ scared of you.” L’s voice was like ice. “And it’s obvious you’re scared of me. I wonder if you even  _ know _ why?”

Light laughed and sat down on his bed. “I’ll bet you think you’re  _ smart _ , for telling me that. Why am I scared of you — like I didn’t know. Like I  _ don’t _ know. Then again, maybe you don’t. You probably think you’re such a victim — poor L, obsessed over by a serial killer. Poor  _ Light, _ obsessed over by a man with the power to make him a serial killer and then keep him as a pet.”

“I didn’t  _ make _ you a serial killer.” L lunged forward, grabbing Light by his collar. Light hadn’t expected that to hit so strong a nerve. “You’re always acting like a lack of a confession means I can’t convict you, like  _ I’m _ doing every possible thing I can to force you into suspicion, but it’s really the other way around. You’re clinging to every last gap in my evidence. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is? We both know you’re Kira. If you’re scared of me, it’s because you’re scared I’ll hand you over, that I’ll give you up _. _ Is that why you’re trying so hard to bring this issue back up whenever you get me alone?”

Light spat on him, and L dropped him back onto the bed to wipe it off of his face. Light stood back up angrily. “Trying so hard to bring what back up, exactly? My complicated feelings about you? It’s good of you to take them and twist them into proof, Ryuzaki. It really makes me trust you.”

“Yes,” L said sarcastically. “Your feelings for me, which you neglected to address in the year since we last saw each other in person, but have now conveniently re-emerged along with Kira. How cruel of me, to note the inconsistency.”

“Or perhaps,” Light went on. “You mean your breaking up with me. The breakup conversations we didn’t have because you never actually  _ bothered _ breaking up with me?”

“How can one break up when one has never  _ dated?” _

Light punched him in the face, and it felt good. He shook his hand as he pulled it back, knuckles smarting, and when L bounced forward he could see the red mark. Light smiled smugly, then as L brought his hand up to feel his cheek, realization tore through his satisfaction. Every single person on the task force would see it and there would be no doubt that Light had attacked L. L himself would be reminded every time he went to open his mouth and felt the skin go taunt.

“Is something the matter?” L asked in a low voice, looking at Light. He sounded as disinterested as ever, almost ready to laugh, but Light must have looked distressed because worry was starting to creep into his voice.

The impulse to kiss L was just as rash as the impulse to hit him, but Light had the strength to fight it. L would give in to it, Light knew that much. He might not let it go further but he would kiss Light back, tangle his hands in his hair, sigh into his mouth, perhaps even moan his name. The skin along his neck and wrists would bruise just as easily and just as beautifully and Light would see the edges of the purple marks whenever his shirt shifted and remember the sounds he’d made when he left them. It would be so good and it would be so good for so much longer than the kiss itself, but if Light kissed L he would only think it was a desperate bid to make him forget the strike, to make him forget his suspicion, and Light couldn’t let L think he was so immature.

Light swallowed heavily, and the words came out of him like building blocks, heavy and awkward. 

“I’m fine,” he choked. He hoped he sounded sad. “I think you should go.”

“Yes.” L poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue, probably feeling the bruise, and then nodded. “Yes, I think that would be wise. I’ll speak with Yagami-kun later.”

“Yeah,” Light said hoarsely, and L left. Light fell onto the bed. He thought vaguely about jerking off but didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with that now. He rolled over and screamed into his pillow and imagined tearing every single page out of the Miller, and then he took a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm spending a lot time this month working on my senior project so updates will be somewhat sparser, but this fic is still very important to me and since i have a backlog of chapters up to 15 you'll probably still be getting at least one a week!


	6. Shinigami

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> folks how bout that election!! how bout that president :o

Allowing Misa any access to his suite turned out to be a mistake, as she spent every moment she could in it. L liked Misa just fine, but he was no match for her unending supply of social energy and positivity so after a few hours, it was hard not to feel a little bit like a lobster in a pot of boiling water. L worried it might be effecting his deductive reasoning, but not enough to bother kicking her out. She was clearly waiting for Light to join them in the suite, but in the day since Misa had arrived, Light had sequestered himself into his own suite and rarely left, except for task force meetings. Fortunately, aside from her unending chatter, Misa was really very delightful company, and came with the added bonus of Rem. The Shinigami had returned fully to the human realm, clearly out of a desire to watch over Misa, and this had given L ample time to question her on the finer details of the death note. Misa made a fantastic audience for this, as her reactions were not only overdramatic but completely genuine. When she’d seen L’s bruise, for instance, she clutched at her face. When L lied ( _“it was quite embarrassing, really, I slipped on the bathroom tile”)_ she laughed at his clumsiness and planted a stinging kiss on it.

L was interrogating Rem over lunch; ice cream for him and a burger from the hotel’s American grill for Misa. He had offered Rem food, remembering that she was capable of eating, but she opted for tea.

“To reiterate,” L said, “Last time we went over this notebook, you said you couldn’t be sure of the amount of notebooks in our world, but that more than one death note was extremely unlikely. Is this still true?”

“Only technically.” Rem spoke very slowly. This trait irritated L immensely, but he could work through it. “Light Yagami’s notebook is in your possession, but there is at least one more Kira. At the time of your first investigation, you suspected that there were two notebooks. I do not doubt this, but I have no way of guaranteeing it.”

“This other Kira — is it possible his notebook came from this new Shinigami you mentioned?” At the phrase ‘new Shinigami’ Misa squeaked and nearly dropped her burger, which boosted L’s ego by a small margin.

“It is not likely.”

“I see.” L reached forward to flip through the notebook. He had taken it out of the safe to examine it during this conversation, which was perhaps risky with Misa in the room, but L was certain she didn’t have any memory of acting as Kira, especially with how nervous she seemed around it. “In that case, are there perhaps similar tools? If Shinigami are real, are there any other beings who might have notebooks to throw about?”

Rem sipped her tea, making a thin slurping noise. “That is an interesting notion, but I have never heard of anything like it.”

“So there are no other items like the death note?”

“That is not what I said.” Rem set her cup down gently on its saucer. “I’ve heard there is an artifact meant to be used by Shinigami to change what has been written in our notebooks, which can revive the recently deceased. But I have not heard of it ever coming to the human realm and don’t see how it could have now.”

“Revival!” Misa exclaimed. “What’s it called?”

“I’ve heard some call it the death eraser.”

“No way! How does it work?”

Rem blinked like a cat, slowly and affectionately. “You erase what is written.”

 _“Woah!_ How recently do the deceased have to be?”

L interjected with a question. “If I wrote down a name in my notebook before Kira, my death would override his, yes? If I erased it, would his death then occur?”

“What happens if someone gets cremated?!”

“No one has ever conducted such experiments with the eraser.”

Misa grabbed L’s arm and shook him excitedly. “If we got the death eraser you could start killing criminals _before_ Kira and then bring them back! You wouldn’t even _need_ to catch him!”

L untangled his arm carefully. He did not have the energy to explain all the reasons that wouldn’t work.

“Unfortunately,” Rem said. “Even if it were worthwhile, I could not give it to you, as it has never been in my possession.”

“Hang on!” Misa straightened, pointing dramatically. “Rem, you told me that a Shinigami will die if they write a human’s name in their notebook to prolong someone’s life. What if they immediately erased the name or someone else erased it later? Would the Shinigami be okay?”

“When did she tell you that?” L asked.

Misa shrugged. “Oh — you know.”

“I highly doubt that would be effective,” Rem said. “But it’s an interesting idea.”

“I’m curious about adopted names,” L told Rem. “If I changed my name today, would the notebook know?”

“Whatever a person considers their name is the name the notebook will see.”

“What about nicknames? If I wrote down ‘Matsui’ instead of ‘Matsuda,’ would Touta-san still be killed?”

“No,” Rem said, ignoring Misa’s quiet cry of _“nooooo”_ to mourn the hypothetical dead Matsuda. “The notebook relies on chosen name, but only it’s pure version, if that makes sense.”

“Yes. And if I wrote an impossible task in it, would the victim still be killed?”

“Yes, with a heart attack.”

“I see.” L lifted his bowl and slurped at the melting ice cream. Misa gagged and recoiled at the sound. “And it won’t affect someone if the time of death is after their natural causes?”

“No.”

“You say Shinigami eyes show a name and lifespan — in what character?”

“In the character the human reads, but with Shinigami numerology.”

“Do Shinigami have a different understanding of numbers?”

“We rely on different mathematic principles.”

L would be interested in discussing that later. “How fascinating.”

“Math is so _boring_ .” Misa stuck out her tongue and dropped back onto the couch, crossing her legs. Her skirt hitched up a little at her thigh, revealing a cute pair of garters L hadn’t noticed before, with a heart detailing. “What are you trying to do here exactly? Does it really _matter_ what Kira can’t do right now? Or what math he might be using?”

“I believe it will be better to know than not to know,” L said vaguely.

L heard a loud, heavy sigh of annoyance and did not need to look up to know Light was walking by them toward the kitchen. Misa leapt back up as Light returned to his room with a bottle of water and his lunch, only looking their way to give L a scowl. Misa slumped back down on the couch.

“Can owners of the death note be killed by other notebooks?” L asked.

“I can think of no reason they wouldn’t.”

“Of course I’m eating a burger when Light comes by,” Misa whined. “And I’m only wearing a t-shirt! This is so awful. The shirt in question was at least a size to small for Misa, and L pointed this out, and her garters. She gasped, offended, but pushed on. “And a burger!”

“I really _don’t_ think he looked at your plate.”

This didn’t help either. “He doesn’t care! He hates me,” Misa wailed. “Has he said anything about me?”

L chose his words carefully. “He doesn’t want you to be killed.”

Rem glared at L.

L made his next offer against his better judgement. “Why don’t you help Watari in assisting the task force tomorrow? You’d get to see Light, and I’m sure it would help everyone’s morale?”

Misa was confused enough to stop hyperventilating. “What, with getting snacks?”

“And menial secretary work. Getting papers, checking things.”

“Like… helping you guys?”

“Yes…?”

Misa brightened. “You really mean it? Ryuzaki!” She grabbed his arm again. “I always thought you thought I was stupid! You really want me to help you?! Wow!”

“With menial secretary work,” L added hastily, which didn’t seem to dampen her mood.

“I won’t let you down! I promise!”

* * *

Light was starting to get migraines from how much he was clenching his jaw and grinding his teeth. The pain wasn’t unbearable yet, but it was only a matter of time. He already sorely regretting suggesting that Misa be allowed in L’s suite, as he now saw her almost every time he left his room. This would have been fine, but without her memories, she was incredibly irritating, and Light wasn’t able to get her alone to push that issue in any way. The fact that she was now constantly hanging around L was even more frustrating. Light couldn’t get anything out of either of them with the two of them so close all the time.

When she joined the task force on her third day, albeit as an assistant, Light wondered if he could find a good reason to quit. Instead, he put on his best “let’s get to work and catch Kira” smile, and asked her to double check some of the statistics he’d made relating to the American Kira. It took her longer than he would have liked, but her work was thorough. Miraculously, she also seemed to put L in a good mood. It was a little frustrating to watch him treat her with more respect than he did Light, and Light felt sick every time he saw L take notice of the more indecent parts of her outfit, but he was at least more polite to everyone else by proxy.

“Does anyone want to watch a movie?” she asked eagerly when L declared the meeting over, and Matsuda’s hand shot up. She looked expectantly at Light.

“Sorry,” he said. He tried to sound genuine. “I have some things to catch up on.”

She looked disappointed for a moment, and then looked at _L_ , who was staring intently at his laptop and took a few moments to realize he’d been asked something. Light took a little extra time packing up his work, eager to see how this went.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Do you want to watch a movie with Matsui and I?”

L blinked, flabbergasted. “Sure?”

Light had to cough into his arm to hide his surprise.

Misa clapped excitedly. “We can watch it here then, on your TV! It’s so big!”

 _This is so stupid_ , Light thought as he left, trying hard to ignore the ensuing bickering to decide what to watch. When he glanced back, Aizawa had joined the group. This sucked. Light was the one the task force was supposed to want to hang out with, and L was the one who was supposed to be jealous. Instead. L was watching a movie with Light’s ex and Light was getting another headache. Why the hell was Misa spending so much time with L? Surely she was just trying to get Light’s attention. After all, she’d looked at him _first._ She probably remembered that L had a thing for her, and was trying to make Light jealous.

Cold panic began to settle into Light’s chest. L _did_ have a thing for Misa. How far would both of them be willing to go to make Light jealous? If Misa would kill someone to get Light’s attention, why not date someone? And L had told Misa before that he could fall for her. He’d never said anything like that to Light, just his feelings for him were real, but what if he was just trying to let Light down easy, or those feelings were more complex attraction than simply romantic? As Light locked his door behind him, his heart started to hammer. Light headed to the shower to try to shake the anxiety that was now coursing through him, and ended up standing under the cold spray for a few minutes.

When he finally felt human again, he towelled off and went to pick up the latest book L had given him, a Sherlock Holmes collection. As he sat down at the small table, Light wondered if he was being punished with lighter reading by having the wrong reaction to the Miller. L had done less annotation here, caring less about perfecting the translation and more about tracking first his own logic alongside the fictional detective’s, but Light could not focus. He read for at least an hour without taking in much of anything, the light outside his window growing darker.

Halfway through his second story, Light found the paper. It was a lined piece of notebook paper, slipped between the cover and the first page, and it fell out when Light shifted into a more comfortable position. He picked it up to use as a bookmark and saw Ryuk sitting in the chair across from him.

“Took you long enough,” he said as Light’s eyebrows shot up. Light coughed to hide his surprise, then looked down at the book and turned a page methodically. He doubted the microphones would be sensitive enough to pick up a conversation whispered to someone else in the room, but the cameras would still see his mouth moving. Light rested his chin on his hand, angling his mouth into his knuckles.

“What are you doing here?” Light asked his knuckles.

“Wow, warm welcome.” Ryuk reclined in the chair. “Relax, Light-o, I’m not here to kill you. I’m here to congratulate you! Watching the first Kira team up with L to find his replacement is real exciting — I knew there was a reason I kept an eye on you!” Ryuk folded his hands over his heart and beamed at Light. “You really are the best!”

“Right, but why are you _here?_ ” Light shot a quick look at Ryuk as he turned another page. “Do you have something to tell me?”

“Not really. Can’t I just drop in to say hi?”

“I don’t see why not. But that’d be pretty boring, wouldn’t it?”

“Heh, found me out. I came to warn you!” Ryuk lifted a finger dramatically. “The new Kira’s lookin’ for ya!”

“I’ve heard. Did he send you here?”

“Nope, I’m all on my lonesome. I thought I’d give you a fighting chance, though.” Ryuk leaned forward. “You won’t get an offer like this anywhere else. I’d be willing to do the eye deal with you, even though I’m not your Shinigami.”

It was an interesting offer. The only one who might be able to tell anything was different would be Rem, but even she would have no way of knowing Light made the deal unless she went back and watched the surveillance footage. Light’s finger hovered over the book. It would be so, so easy for him to get L’s name. If he did the deal now, he could walk back into his suite and have it in moments, and Watari’s too. Then he could stop whatever this stupid cat-and-mouse L was doing with Misa and clear his name to boot, with an easy alibi. What’s more, he’d be able to spot the new Kira easily. 

“Rem said there’s a new Shinigami here,” Light said softly. He glanced up to see Ryuk’s reaction. “Who’s to say he won’t do it?”

“I don’t know anything about that,” Ryuk said. “And even if I did, I’m trying to be impartial here. It’s more fun that way.”

“Why the offer, then?”

“Heh. I _am_ fond of ya, Light-o. And it would make things a little more exciting for me to get you back in action, wouldn’t it? And I said I wouldn’t say anything, but this new guy is way ahead of you. In fact…” Ryuk trailed off as Light looked back up. “Nah. I shouldn't say that.”

“Say what? Has he found me already?”

Ryuk made a lip-zipping motion.

“Lovely. Well, I’ll think all this over and get back to you if I can.” Another question occurred to Light. “It must have been a long trip to get here from New York.”

“Pfft, you think we’re in New York?” Ryuk chuckled. “Does L think that to? Nah, this guy’s not in America. It’s a shame though.” Ryuk sighed wistfully. “I’ve heard New York is the _big_ apple. Well, I’ve said my bit. Is Rem around? It’s boring only having one person to talk to again. Hey, Misa’s here! Can I talk to her?”

“I wouldn’t,” Light said, speaking into his hand again. “For now, you should probably leave. If you _really_ want to talk to Rem, I’d come back and do it later.”

“Sure, whatever. It’s not like I’m busy. Spectating is _so_ easy.” Ryuk stood and stretched. “Ungh, you have no _idea_ how long I was sitting there. Feels like years. Well, I’ll see you soon Light, ol’ buddy ol’ pal, one way or another.”

Light gave Ryuk a rare smile. “That’s not threatening at all.”

“Oh, and keep the paper.” Ryuk grinned, showing off his sharp teeth. “A gift for an old friend. Just don’t let L find it, hyuk.”

With that, he took off into the night. Light slipped the paper back into the short story collection, pleased by his new bookmark. He found that he was able to focus much better now, and read a few stories before bed. He correctly guessed the culprit of each, and fell asleep feeling smug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my secret to writing slowburn fanfiction: it's so padded with misa content. misa... i adore you.


	7. Message

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is a little later in the week! I had a houseguest and my over-polite self had to play a constant host (and my over-gay self wanted to pay a lot of attention to them). But here it is! I'm excited to see your comments and am overjoyed that other folks are interested in Misa and L's dynamic — you all flatter me and I'm grateful <3

Misa settled into the task force with considerable ease. Granted, she was mostly checking facts or ferrying notes and papers between L and Watari. Still, Light had never seen her do any work besides being the Second Kira, and was surprised by how diligent she was being. He, like the rest of the task force, remained apprehensive about her presence, but working with her instead of dodging unprecedented shows of physical affection had turned out to be a pretty welcome change of pace. After two days, Light was starting to feel better about the whole setup. Part of him felt a little ridiculous for ever considering that she would use L to make him jealous, especially after what he had put her through. Still, it made him feel odd to watch them chatting without paying him any mind, which only made him feel sillier.

Watari sent L a message later the next day, and L sent Misa to go get something. She came back with the cardboard box filled with the other’s cell phones. Light stopped his research into prisons in Massachusetts to watch with interest as one of the phones began to ring. L nodded as Aizawa to take it.

Aizawa listened for a few minutes, then said “Give me a minute,” and lowered his phone. He looked at L meaningfully, then at Light. L nodded for him to continue. “There’s a message for you at the police station,” Aizawa said. “From Kira.”

“We’ll have to send someone to deal with that.”

“You can’t do that,” Light said. L looked at him expectantly. “You don’t know if the new Kira has the eyes.”

“A good point,” L said. “Still, I’ve gone to great lengths to ensure that Kira can’t find our base.”

“With all due respect, Ryuzaki,” Aizawa said. “I trust the officer calling. If the investigation had only just started, I think she would be here.”

“Who is it?” Matsuda asked.

“Sanami.”

“I can vouch for her too,” Ide said. “She’s a hard worker. But she could still be followed.”

“Or Kira could have written her name down,” Light added. “He could be controlling her.”

“I could go!” Misa offered. “In disguise!”

“Wedy,” L said.

Wedy nodded. “Where?”

“The place we discussed.”

“Should I bring her back here?”

“I’ll trust your judgement.”

Wedy held out her hand, and Aizawa passed his phone over. Wedy and the officer on the phone exchanged a few words, and then Wedy gave her a location and left.

“Well,” L said after a few moments. “I doubt we’ll be able to get much done while we wait for her to get back. Let’s break for lunch and unless the message content is urgent, I’ll see you all back here at two.” He added something quietly to Misa. She nodded gravely and followed Matsuda back to their suite.

In a few moments, the task force had dispersed, leaving Light alone with L. Light picked up a room service menu from the stack of notes on the table, feigning interest.

“What did you say to Misa?” he asked coolly. 

“I told her I needed a moment alone with you to ask a question.”

“I see.” Light glanced up. “I think I know what you’re going to ask.” L gestured for Light to go ahead. “You want to know if I’ll impersonate you to speak with Kira, like I did with Namikawa.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” L brought his thumb to his mouth. “If he asks to speak with me, we could try it. Though I honestly can’t think of a reason  _ not _ to speak to him.”

“What were you going to ask?”

“I wanted to ask if you were speaking to someone in your room last night.”

“I don’t think so,” Light said evenly, easily masking the discomfort growing in his stomach. “I certainly don’t remember talking to anyone.”

“Were you talking to yourself, perhaps?”

Light pretended to think this over. “Yes, I was. I’d almost forgotten I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was being loud.”

“You weren’t.”

Light smiled, hiding his worry that L had overheard Ryuk’s visit with a calm and friendly disposition. He could turn this on its head by pretending L was the one in the wrong here. “I’m amazed you noticed, I’d almost forgotten. How were you even watching close enough to realize?”

L thought this over. Light wondered if he was debating telling the truth.

“I’ll admit I was… distracted, when I noticed the change in your behavior.”

“Distracted?” Light asked innocently. “By what?”

L raised his brow, and bit down on his knuckle before answering. “It’s well established, Light-kun, that I find you very distracting.”

To his irritation, Light’s heart leapt in his chest. He thought longingly of the mouth that enclosed his knuckle and how soft it was, and imagined replacing L’s hand with his own.

“How unprofessional,” he said, smirking.

“Yes,” L said thoughtfully. “If you’ll excuse me.” He returned to his workspace, diligently pretending Light was not there. Light brushed this off, and went to review his own work.

Wedy returned with another woman not long after their room service arrived. The new woman gave a courteous bow. She was a little younger than Matsuda, with long, dark hair and darker eyes. She didn’t seem impressed by L, but no one ever did.

L immediately seemed taken with her, and offered his frosting-stained hand. She shook it gingerly.

“I take it you’re L. It’s an honor to meet you.” She bowed again, a little deeper, and Light was surprised by how sincere her tone was. He realized, with amusement, that her deep bow was an effort to hide the fact that she was brushing frosting off onto her skirt. “I’m Officer Sanami.” She glanced at Light. “Have we met?”

“This is Yagami-san’s son, Light. He’s been shadowing me,” L said evenly. “Aizawa-san said you had a message?”

“Yes.”

Wedy passed L a thick envelope. The stationary was elegant, though unmarked, and looked like it weighed a considerable amount. Wedy had already opened it, but not removed the letter. L did so, letting it fall open, and frowned as he read it. He passed it to Light and looked up at Sanami, who spoke without prompting.

“We arrested a man for drug possession last night,” she said, and reached into her coat. “I took the liberty of printing the information on him for you. He was carrying the letter, and told us Kira gave it to him. When we asked for further information—”

“He died?” L finished. Sanami nodded. 

The letter was printed in a neat font on the same heavy paper as the envelope. It felt coarse on Light’s fingertips, and he was sure it cost a fortune. Either Kira was well funded, or this was an attempt at a ruse. The letter was simple, and to the point. It read:  _ I am Kira. I am familiar with your previous investigation. I would like to speak with the previous Kira, whom I believe is in confinement. _

L then passed Light the prisoner details. The man had apparently been caught selling drugs and had not yet been arrested before his death. He had been arrested once before for trespassing and drug possession, but had been released due to the nonviolent nature of his crimes.

“If I may ask,” Light said. “Who was this man selling drugs to? Minors?”

“Not that we have evidence of.”

“That’s very unlike Kira.”

“Kira has killed similar criminals before.” L cocked his head so far, Light thought it might fall off. “Or does Light-kun hold this Kira to a higher standard? How curious.”

“I’m just remarking that it’s different,” Light said coolly, dropping the papers to the desk. “That’s all.”

“Hmm.”

“I was able to put together some information on people he met with leading up to his arrest. Unfortunately, none of it is specific. He had a meeting with his probation officers earlier that week. The day before his arrest he’d been to a doctor’s appointment, then a pharmacy to pick up medication, and spent the night at his girlfriend’s. And of course he met with his customers, though it’s fairly unlikely Kira is among them, if they are killing a man for drug possession.”

“This is extremely helpful.” L dipped his head gratefully. “Sanami-san, I would much appreciate it if you would be willing to act as our point-person in the police.”

“I would be happy to, although I do hope nothing like this every happens again.”

“Naturally.”

As Sanami turned to leave, the door to L’s suite scraped open, and Misa peered out. She was frowning, though it was hard to say if it was in frustration or confusion.

Sanami’s jaw dropped.

“ _ Misa-Misa?” _ she exclaimed, her sophisticated exterior gone. “You know—” she looked back at L, flummoxed. “You know Misa-Misa?!”

“She’s a— personal friend,” L stammered.

“I thought I heard another girl!” Misa burst fully through the door. “You thought you could hide her from me! Who is she?”

Sanami flushed and bowed to Misa. “It’s great to meet you, Misa! I’m Sanami, with the police! I’m a big fan of your work!”

Misa looked shocked for a moment, then grinned smugly at Light and L. “This is more like it! Finally! A  _ girl  _ policeman—”

“Policewoman,” Light corrected, but Misa didn’t pause.

“—helping you out!  _ And _ someone who knows my worth!”

“I told you five times today that you’re a great asset to our team,” L said, sounding disappointed that Misa had apparently dismissed this praise, and Sanami straightened.

“Oh, I’m not— I’m not really helping out much,” she said, flushed. “I just was bringing—” she looked at L again.

“Ryuzaki,” L said. “If you please.”

“I was only bringing Ryuzaki-san a message. I should really get back to work.”

“Yes,” L said. “I think that’d be wise. Do give Light-kun’s regards to his father.”

Light coughed awkwardly as Sanami rushed out the door, shooting Misa admiring glances.

“Ha!” Misa slammed the door to her own suite shut. “Are you done? Can I come back in now? Who was she? I liked her! Is she joining?”

“No.” L chewed his lip. “Would you do me the favor of fetching Rem? I’d like her input on something.”

“Okay!” Misa hurried off to the kitchen.

“What are you going to ask Rem?”

“Oh, nothing.” L shuffled the papers Sanami had brought into his notes. “I just had the feeling you wanted to say something without Misa here.” Light raised an eyebrow. “Well?”

“I’m shadowing you?” Light snorted. “Really.”

L didn’t laugh, but let out a sharp breath that sounded close, and he smiled. “I imagine you feel it’s to the contrary. Am I your shadow?”

“Yes,” Light said. “In that you follow me everywhere and have darker hair.”

“Not everywhere. Was that all?” 

“I said I’d impersonate you, but he’s asking to meet with Kira. If you want me to pretend to be Kira, I can do that too. I’m certainly a better actor than Misa.” He was sure L would never agree to such an idea. So long as he was working with Light, keeping him apart from the new Kira would be necessary for L’s own safety if nothing else. Still, if Light could find a way to speak to the new Kira, maybe he could express to him that he _ was _ the original and needed help clearing his name. But he would probably take that as instructions to kill the task force, and then L would know for certain that Light was Kira. Light wished he’d thought to send a message through Ryuk, but then again, if the new Kira was trying to contact him through  _ L _ , Ryuk was probably avoiding involvement as much as possible. 

“An interesting notion,” L said. “I’ll consider that. But for now, I think it wise not to let onto our new Kira that we have his precessor. Unless he attempts to make threats, perhaps we can reconcile things as peacefully as possible.”

Light smiled. “How hopeful of you. And lucky, that you’ve found his predecessor. Where is he?”

“Ha,” L said, not the least bit amused. “You’re developing a sense of humor.” He smiled arrogantly at Light. That’s wonderful, Light-kun. Light, who had always thought of himself as someone with a sharp wit, frowned. “Perhaps,” L went on. “We should discuss this letter without Kira here—”

“He’s not here.” Light folded his arms. “And I notice he only believes himself to have only one predecessor. I wonder why that is?”

“Yes, it’s all very interesting. You’re more than welcome to take you work into your room for the rest of the day. Or to take a half-day. It’s not as if you’ve been assigned to the New York case, after all, so I’d prefer if you examine it in your free time.”

Light scowled. “A break might be nice. I’ll admit, I’ve been distracted too.”

“I can’t imagine why.”

“It’s infuriating, your simpering over Misa,” Light snapped. “Talk about unprofessional.”

“Amane-chan tends to wear lingerie with little to cover it because it makes her feel confident, and I assume this is in part because of the effect it has on men around her. So I don’t fault myself for humoring her, and you won’t make me feel guilty. If Yagami-kun has an issue with it, he could always speak to her. Then again, as he’s the one who broke up with her, it’s hardly his place to dictate her outfits.” L pressed a considerate finger to his bottom lip, which was frustratingly pink. “Then again, perhaps you have a different issue. If that’s the case, you could always give her methods a try.”

“Unprofessional indeed.”

“I’m beginning to regret ever bringing that word into our vocabulary,” L said. “It seems you won’t stop throwing it around.”

“Well, you won’t stop being unprofessional. Improper. Unscrupulous. Disreputable—”

“Surely Light-kun can understand nuance.”

“Surely you can understand hypocrisy.”

L looked over at the clock. “Our coworkers will be returning soon. Perhaps you’d be good enough to sod off, Light-kun, so I can focus on my work.”

“Cursing is unprofessional too,” Light chided him.

L turned his laser-like eyes to Light and glared.

“I’m leaving.” Light felt equal parts triumphant at how annoyed he’d managed to make L, and frustrated that he’d been kicked out of his room for the afternoon. At least the new Kira wanted to speak to him. All of Light’s fury at L, even the fury at his suggestion that Light wear women’s lingerie to work, evaporated as cold elation settled in. It wouldn’t be long now until Light could make his move. He just had to make sure he was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much of this fic is occupied by Light storming off or showering. Sometimes L storms of to mix it up a little.


	8. Shift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is late! I'm honestly not that happy with this chapter (despite it being, as you'll see, a noteworthy turning point) but I wanted to put it up before the holiday, even if it's just barely before! It's been a busy and disorienting week but I hope you enjoy this barely-edited chapter! I just finished up the outline for this whole story which is very exciting, it looks like there's going to be three major arcs of this story and we're over halfway through the first — after each one concludes, they'll probably be a brief hiatus. Also, spoiler, it's DEFINITELY going to be more than 35 chapters, oops, probably somewhere between 40-45. 
> 
> I'm also working on an ~official~ playlist for this so if there's any songs you'd especially like to see on there, feel free to rec them in the comments or to my tumblr (butchrem)! Finally, TINOJM17 translated another DN fic I wrote into Mandarin (!!!) and I realize if you are reading this you can read in English but dangit, I'm just excited and happy!
> 
> now, onto the gay disasters

On Misa’s third day with the task force, all hell broke loose.

“Uh, Ryuzaki,” Misa said. She was clearly afraid to interrupt the group’s work. Technically she had the day off, but knocked on the door to the suite until Matsuda let her in, then stood there in silence for five minutes before working up the courage to speak. She kept looking from Light to L as though trying to decide who was the best to approach. L felt a little flattered that he’d won out.

“Yes?” he asked. He was currently in his rolling chair reviewing information on the people Sanami had referred to him, and it was easy to kick away from the desk and drift toward her. Mis had the annoying habit of putting him in a good mood, which made it hard for him to play the serious detective and focus on his work. “Is something the matter?”

She averted her gaze when he looked to her, then met his eyes again with new determination.

“I came to tell you to check the news,” she said.

Matsuda started behind L and scrambled for a remote. “What channel?”

“It’s on most of them,” Misa said, a little helplessly.

“Thanks for telling us,” L said. “We’ll get right on that.”

Matsuda turned the television’s volume way up, and started clicking through channels at a lightening speed. L dug his nails into his palms to avoid focusing on the stimulation.

Misa cleared her throat. “Well, I wasn’t sure if you’d want to know. It’s not really about Kira—”

“What is it, then?”

“It’s New York,” she said faintly. L could almost hear Light’s ears perk up.

L frowned. “What do you mean, ‘not Kira?’”

“Well, you’re always ignoring Matsui or Light when they bring New York up. It’s pretty clear you don’t think Kira’s there.”

“How astute,” L said. “You’re always finding new ways to surprise me, Amane-chan.”

“I found it!” Matsuda called out, and the rest of the task force rushed the television. L spun his chair around to watch the news briefing. 

_ “-string of deaths last night in a pysch ward in New York City,”  _ the hostess was saying. She had sleek dark hair and a stony expression, and a translation of her words ran across the bottom of the screen.  _ “Which had previously housed several dangerous convicts. Officials are already speculating as to whether this is the work of Kira, a second Kira, or something else entirely. This is the second mass-death event of this scale in New York this month, with the first being a series of heart attacks and accidents on April thirtieth in a penitentiary on the city limits. The mayor of New York issued the following statement—” _

Matsuda turned the volume down as the report cut to a recording of the address and looked at L, visibly shaken.

“Yes,” L said. “This is very bad. Give me a moment to speak with Watari.”

L stood gingerly and left the room, sure the task force would immediately fall into disarray. This was irritating. He knew the killer in New York wasn’t Kira. Maybe it was something similar, but there were just too many different patterns. But it was clear that they wanted outsiders to see them as Kira, which meant they wanted the attention of L, or perhaps of the actual Kira. L doubted there were many from outside of Wammy House, the orphanage where he’d been educated, who would have the necessary skills to pull off this operation. After all, they would need to infiltrate numerous institutions, have a comprehensive knowledge of medical science to booster likelihoods of heart attacks, and the foresight to plan hosts of accidents. On top of it all, they needed the money to finance a project of this size. The only person L would believe could pull this off was B, who’d been dead a little over a year, and there was no way this was the same Kira who had sent them a message. Sending that message had proven he was in Japan, after all. There couldn’t be another notebook, could there?

Watari had a simple two room attachment with a bedroom and a workroom they’d converted to a monitoring station. He currently had screens up displaying L’s suite and its connections, along with the hotel’s security footage. He turned in his chair as L entered, without knocking.

“Ryuzaki,” he greeted. “I’ve taken the liberty of setting some flight plans. You have several offers as Eraldo Coil and Deneuve to work this case.”

“None as L?”

Watari’s mustache twitched. “I’m sure the involved parties believe L to be busy with the Kira investigation.”

“The Kira investigation is all dead ends,” L mused. “Surely this won’t take more than a month, at worst. Clearing this up would stop interference with this particular hunt, as we’d be able to track Kira’s victims more efficiently.”

“Shall I pen the flight into your schedule?”

“Yes.”

“There is the matter of Light Yagami.”

Right. That had slipped L’s mind — he wasn’t used to taking attachments into consideration when travelling.

“We can keep this suite booked, and Wedy can take over my room. I’m sure she and the task force can provide satisfactory monitoring until I return.” Of course, Light would use that time to win back their trust, and encourage their own dissatisfaction of L. There was also a small possibility that being stuck in such close proximity to Light would encourage their belief in his guilt. Or discourage it — Light was particularly persuasive when he set his mind to it. Perhaps leaving him in close proximity to the task force wasn’t the best idea. He could separate Light from them again, but if L were leaving, that would signal to the task force that he’d abandoned the investigation, which simply was not true. L pressed a thumb to his lips thoughtfully. “I could take him with us,” he suggested.

Watari raised an eyebrow. “If he travelled with us alone, there would be no corroborating witnesses should he attempt to harm you or I.”

“That’s true.” L bit down on his thumb. “I’ll put my plans forward — maybe someone will suggest something. If not, I’ll have leave Light here and increase his surveillance. I don’t doubt he’ll be able to find Kira, it’s just a matter of ensuring he does it with us and not on his own.”

L closed the door to Watari’s rooms, thought longingly of the donuts in New York, then sighed in annoyance as he remembered how difficult his contacts there could be. And the FBI was such a pain to work with, too. He supposed it couldn’t be helped.

L padded back across the suite and through the main rooms to the task force’s work area. Ide and Matsuda fell silent as he entered, Matsuda with the guilty look of someone who’d just been speaking behind another’s back.

“I’ve just arranged my flight to New York with Watari,” he informed them, dropping back into his chair and snagging a donut off the caddy. “I doubt it’ll be more than two weeks.”

“What about the Kira investigation?” Aizawa demanded.

L licked some of the glaze from the donut. Now that he was thinking of the food in America, it didn’t feel as sweet, and he wasn’t particularly satisfied. “Obviously I’ll still work it, but I need to tend to my reputation, and I think this will serve this case in the long run when it stops skewing the numbers.”

“You still don’t think it’s Kira?” Matsuda asked.

“No.”

“So you’re just leaving us here, then?” Ide asked coldly. He shot a meaningful glance toward Light, who was giving L a death glare. L imagined Ide wasn’t happy with the idea of being left with Kira, but it could have been that he resented the idea of babysitting. Mogi grunted and folded his arms, presumably in agreement.

“What about me?!” Misa demanded. “Do I stay here or does that mean I can un-cancel my tour? Or go home? Or what!”

When Light finally spoke, his voice was cold and careful. “With all due respect, Ryuzaki, it’s not a good idea for you to leave the investigation at this stage. At this point, it’s clear Kira knows more about us then we do him and even if Sanami was trustworthy, she could have easily been followed or controlled. It would hardly be safe for you to leave when he could have the identities of your coworkers and your location. I understand your sense of urgency, but maybe it would be more prudent to send someone in your stead.”

“That’s all very true,” L said. “But even if these deaths are separate from  _ our _ Kira, which I still believe they are, there is a possibility they are adjacent. I think you can understand why I am reluctant to spread awareness of the notebook, and the only ones familiar with this investigation, excepting Yagami-san, are in this room.”

“So send one of us,” Light said evenly.

“You’ve just pointed out that it would be dangerous to leave. Suppose Kira were monitoring this building? I cannot ask any of you to go and risk your lives on  _ my  _ investigation.”

“I could go,” Light said hesitantly. Misa squeaked.

“I’ll go too!” she offered.

“Amane-chan, you are not a detective.”

She deflated. “Oh, right.”

L turned back to Light, who had gotten over his hesitation and now looked determined. “That’s a very generous offer, Light-kun, as a primary suspect, I’m afraid I cannot let you go without my surveillance.”

“ _ I’ve _ been following the New York situation through this whole investigation,” Light pointed out. “I don’t mind being accompanied, I just don’t think _ you  _ should leave. Make Wedy or Aiber do it.”

L frowned. It wasn’t a  _ bad  _ idea. Light was a somewhat brilliant detective and he had been paying special attention to New York. There was the possibility that it was because Light had something to do with New York, but that didn’t seem likely, especially since Light had been able to discover how far back they went. Wedy was great at surveillance, and if Light wasn’t let out of her sight, he could be kept under observation. It wasn’t impossible that Light would kill Wedy, but doing so would only confirm his guilt.

“I could go to,” Aizawa offered in a gruff voice. “I’ve been pretty interested in New York myself.” Light glanced toward him in surprise. It was far less likely that Light would kill Aizawa, and he would make up for any possible gaps in Wedy’s observation.

“Alright,” L said slowly. “I suppose that’s not a terrible idea. Well, I doubt you’ll be able to do much work now — I’ll go speak to Watari about making other arrangements.”

The task force dispersed relatively quickly. L lingered, waiting to ensure that Light and Misa did not speak. Misa did seem to be waiting in hopes of talking to Light, but left reluctantly when he returned to his quarters. Finally, L was alone with Aizawa, who had stood up to go but was waiting by the couch.

“Thank you for volunteering to go with Light, Aizawa-san.” L nodded gratefully. “I hadn’t realized you were following the New York situation.”

Aizawa sighed. “I really haven’t been. I mean,” he shrugged. “I am  _ interested  _ in it, but I’ve been focusing more on the Kira case, and you’ve made it clear this is separate.”

“I see. So I take it you have other motivation?”

“Yeah.” Aizawa held eye contact with L, something he normally seemed to struggle with. “Really, I care more about watching Light.”

“So you’re certain of Yagami-kun’s guilt?”

“Truthfully, Ryuzaki, I don’t know how I feel. But you spent something like three months watching him and you seem pretty sure, so I guess I’d like to see for myself.”

“Please be careful. Light-kun can be quite dangerous, and I’d hate to lose you.”

Aizawa blinked, then looked away uncomfortably. “Of course.”

“Your life won’t be the only on the line. You’ll have to ensure Light-kun doesn’t use this opportunity to make contact with the new Kira — I would like to speak with you and Wedy to create a comprehensive surveillance plan.”

“Sure thing. I appreciate you trusting me with this.”

Now it was L’s turn to feel uncomfortable. Aizawa’s gratitude did not come lightly. L nodded awkwardly and decided to leave it at that, shambling back to schedule a new flight with Watari. With he booked the flights, L checked the footage of Light after the meeting. He just dropped into his bed and flicked through  _ Paradise Lost _ , which he had finished reading the night before.

“Ryuzaki.” L turned to Watari, who had not turned to look at him. He had a large spreadsheet open that L knew was an itinerary for New York; he was nothing if not thorough. “Would I be correct in stating that your reasons for ignoring the American murders have to do with one of your successors?”

“More than correct, Watari.” L closed down the surveillance feed. The situation in New York put L in mind of Beyond Birthday, the killer who’d once been his successor. Why, L wasn’t quite certain — the only really similarity between these deaths and the Los Angeles case was the scale of their improbability. But it was impossible that B was involved. Kira,  _ Light _ , had killed him. L had briefly entertained the notion that this could be a copycat, but in the end, had been forced to accept that the scarce similarities were hardly proof that anyone had taken inspiration from the Los Angeles cases. Still, Light’s suggestion that the killings began in California had stuck with him. “But Kira killed B.”

“Do you believe a connection is impossible?”

“I do. But I think it would be a great relief to both of us if you spoke with Roger. With Misora gone, anyone familiar with B’s work would be in England.”

Watari nodded dutifully, and L found himself going to reopen the surveillance feed. Once he realized this, he decided instead to go survey Light in person, and excused himself. He would need to come up with a reason to visit him besides his minor obsession. Suspicion, attraction — Light could put whatever word on it he liked, but L knew both hinged on the same irrational response he had to his suspect. The book L wanted Light to read was already in Light’s room, and had been on his shelf before his arrival. L would only need to point it out.

He knocked on Light’s door and Light called him in a moment later. He was in the process of undressing, something he had not been doing when L closed the video feed. He wondered if Light had started changing as soon as he heard L approaching. After all, he wasn’t very far into it. His shirt was only halfway off his head. Light finished pulling it off and sat down on the edge of his bed to take off his socks.

“Can I help you?” he asked, without malice. He’d probably sheathed his claws because of New York.

“I saw you’d finished the Milton last night.”

“Yeah, thanks for ordering me a copy. It was about time I reread it.”

“I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts, but I also wanted to suggest another read.”

Light shrugged haphazardly and rolled off a sock. “Honestly, epic poems really aren’t my thing. I do find biblical stories that  _ aren’t _ the Bible fairly interesting though, so it was hardly a waste. What else do you have?”

L went over to the bookshelf and passed Light one of the older books. “For your trip to New York.”

Light eyed the cover as he pulled off his other sock, dropping it on the floor. “Science fiction? That’s something of a deviation.”

“Not to worry, Light-kun, it’s plenty biblical.” L reached into his pockets as Light turned the book over to look at the back. He felt a little more at ease when he felt the material between his fingers. “I’m surprised you took the initiative to volunteer to New York. Are you planning to contact Kira?”

“Hardly.” Light raised an eyebrow and leaned back some, showing off his chest. L did not let his gaze creep down to take it in. Perhaps Light hadn’t been planning on putting another shirt on after all. “I suppose that’s the most appreciation I’ll get out of you.”

“No,” L turned to face Light properly, slouching against the bookshelf. “I appreciate it.”

Light smiled. His expression was warm. “Well, I’m surprised you listened to me. I appreciate that. So,  _ Paradise Lost _ — there’s a lot to unpack. What in it did you want to discuss with me?”

“There’s many elements I thought would interest Light-kun. The broader themes of obedience and rebellion, the familial drama, fate and free will, though at the moment, I find myself thinking on the way Milton groups Death with Sin and Chaos. I wonder if you think sin and death are cut from the same cloth.”

“They are both afflictions of man, but I agree that it’s a strange pairing. I suppose you want me to tell you that I see death as a positive force of nature, or something godly, but I’m really neutral on it. Or, I think death is neutral.” That wasn’t true. L could tell by the way Light spoke, his conviction fell way when he said death was neutral. No, didn’t fall away. Changed. Maybe he  _ was _ neutral on it. Death had been a tool at Light’s hand for long enough that he would have come to see it as godly, but now he had been stripped of his notebook, and was probably much more afraid. “Death comes for everyone,” Light said, and L saw that he was considering how that might include him. “God or Satan don’t change that, just what it might represent. Personally, I don’t believe in any sort of afterlife, which might influence my perception.”

L wished he’d had the good sense to start sharing his books with Light while they’d been handcuffed together. His literary analysis was really a treat, no matter how basic, and was even more enjoyable shirtless. It was a shame he couldn’t appreciate it now.

“Were you changing?” L asked, since Light was still sitting comfortably in bed.

Light stood. “I was going to pack. Maybe you can help me?”

“I doubt I’ll be much help.”

“I like company.”

L sat down on the other bed, which was neatly made. Light only slept in one of the two in the room. L didn’t know what he was saving the other for, but he sometimes put things down on it. L pulled his knees to his chest. This was the first time Light had suggested L spend time with him since he had moved into the suite and he didn’t know what to make of it. 

“Is there anything I need to know about New York?” Light asked smoothly. He had almost nothing to pack, just a few changes of clothes, a messenger bag, and the book. The ritual seemed purely symbolic.

“Not really. You’ve been investigating it about as thoroughly as I have. Wedy will handle the itinerary. I think you understand why I can’t give it to you.”

“Sure.” Light unfolded and refolded his jacket. “I am your suspect after all.”

“Yes.”

A few moments of quiet passed.

“Do you believe in sin, Ryuzaki?” Light asked the question as casually as if he were discussing the weather.

L thought the question over. “Not in a biblical sense, no.”

“Do you believe that acts that are somehow morally wrong influence the worth of a person’s soul?”

“I don’t think I believe anything can influence the worth of someone’s soul, good or bad.”

“No?” Light tucked his jacket into his messenger bag, and went to get his other from the closet. He took out the suite’s iron and unfolded the board from the closet door, switching the iron one. “So you believe Kira’s soul is worth as much as yours?” His voice had taken on a strange quality. Light sounded pleasurable, but not playful. Thoughtful, but not studious.

“How are you defining worth?” L rummaged in his other pocket and found a strawberry candy. “ _ Worth _ is an odd word, but it does the job. Value is just the same. Meaning feels purer. I think all souls mean just as much as each other. That doesn’t mean all souls can coexist, and one must do what protects the most lives. But that does not diminish the meaning of another life.”

“I imagine you think Kira believes otherwise.”

“Not necessarily. One can believe in the  _ meaning  _ of a life while recognizing that some sacrifices must be made for the greater good. I think all lives are just as important to Kira, or rather, that no lives matter to him.”

“No lives?”

“I think the only life Kira sees any worth in is his own. Administering judgement is sure to influence one’s ego.”

“Perhaps.” The iron began to steam and Light spread his jacket over the board, pressing the iron across it carefully. “Is that how you imagine me?”

“I think Light-kun is very smart.  _ That _ is sure to influence one’s ego. I speak from experience, of course.”

“Do you? You just went on about the meaning in all life.”

L smiled bitterly. “I’m afraid it’s harmed mine more than boosted it.”

“I see.” Light turned the jacket over. “You see  _ yourself _ as less meaningful.”

“I do.”

“How sad.” He took great care with it’s collar, then hung the jacket back up and took down a button-up to repeat the process. “To have one of the world’s greatest minds and no ability to appreciate it.”

“Sometimes, Light-kun, I think you’re making fun of me, and other times I think you care more than I do.”

Light laughed. It was a nice sound, genuine and content, and it warmed L’s heart in a way he couldn’t find it in himself to dislike. “I don’t see why it can’t be both.”

He finished the shirt and hung it up too. He considered his pants for a moment, but didn’t bother with them, and switched the iron off.

“Sometimes I think you’re punishing yourself,” Light said.

“Do you?”

“I do. You spend your life taking care of others, but do you take care of yourself?”

“‘Taking care of others?’ My work is important, but make no mistake, I don’t do it because it’s the right thing.”

“Don’t try and tell me you’re a detective for the money.”

“No, not for the money. For fun.” L mulled this over. “I don’t know what else I could even do.”

Light folded up the board and was walking toward L now, which made L’s neck feel very hot, and L’s chest feel very tight. He still hadn’t put a shirt on. Why wasn’t he putting his shirt on?

“Fun,” Light repeated. “No. The challenge, maybe. But not fun.”

“Somewhere in between,” L said, his voice unexpectedly strained.

Light stood in front of him. He’d seen Light shirtless so many times, while he was changing, in the shower, when they were in bed, but that was different, because he was  _ supposed _ to be shirtless then. It wasn’t that L  _ wanted _ him to put a shirt on, it just was supposed to be there. If L was being honest with himself, he’d rather like if if Light took the rest of his clothing off. But that wasn’t a good idea. It wouldn’t be a good idea to reach forward and pull him closer by the hips. It would be  _ nice,  _ but it wouldn’t be good. It didn’t matter if L had instinctively let his legs fall to rest on the floor, he would not listen to the second instinct.

L realized, with growing panic, that he was no longer looking at Light’s face, and was instead eye-level with his stomach.

When Light kissed him, it was like they were kissing for the first time. His mouth was warm and soft and welcoming, and the hand on L’s jaw felt the same. The rest of the world winked and vanished, and for one moment Kira and New York and the hotel room ceased to exist. There was only Light, leaning forward, pushing L into the bed, and there was only L, kissing him, hands rising to touch him. It was good, it was better than good.

_ No, _ L told himself.  _ You told yourself you wouldn’t do this. You told  _ Light _ you wouldn’t do this.  _ It was about more than maintaining a proper boundary, he had to keep his word. L pushed Light away.

“Light-kun,” he said. “I’m flattered, but I already told you we can’t do this.”

“Oh?” Light raised an eyebrow. He was bending over L, taking up most of his vision, and the world spun back into focus behind him. He kissed him again mouth closed, and L realized he was shaking. “To maintain an ethical boundary?”

“Yes. To maintain an ethical boundary,” L repeated, more for himself than Light. The words felt hollow.

“I think you’re just jumping through hoops to deny yourself pleasure.” Light didn’t move away. L gently pushed him further back and sat up. Light leaned forward to kiss him again and he dodged.

“I’m really not. This is for Light-kun’s good, and the good of the investigation.”

Light was apparently willing to drop it there, and went back to his messenger bag. He picked the book up and tucked it in carefully. When he sighed, it was melodramatic. “If you say so.”

That was fake. L knew it was fake, because Light would never let himself be disappointed or worn down in front of L, and the fakeness of it only made L’s heard beat faster. It had all been fake, L told himself, so it was good that L hadn’t let Light kiss him again. L stood up slowly, suddenly feeling dizzy.

Light closed the bag and looked up at L. They held each other’s gaze for a moment.

“I’m going to miss you,” Light told him, very seriously.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t say such things.”

“To uphold boundaries?” Light snapped. He dropped the bag onto the floor heavily. “ _ Friends _ can miss each other.”

“Actually, Light-kun, when you say things like that it makes me worry for my safety.”

“You still think I’d kill you?” Any trace of warmth was gone from Light’s voice now. “Maybe I  _ won’t _ miss you.”

“Well, I suppose you can miss me a little,” L amended. “As much as you’d miss anyone you won’t see for a week or so, which I can’t imagine is a lot.”

“I’m more than happy to start now,” Light snapped. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“I do.” L stood. “Safe travels, Light-kun. I’ll keep watch over Amane-chan for you.”

This sigh was genuine. “Don’t say things like that, Ryuzaki, it’s creepy.”

L nodded dutifully and chanced one final look at Light before he left. He looked put-off.

L hoped, desperately, that allowing him to handle New York wouldn’t backfire. He doubted it would, in a controlled environment, though he suspected he would miss Light too. But some time away from him would be good too. It would improve L’s focus, if nothing else.

He gave one last thought on the ways he would like Light to continue distracting him, then closed the door on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> light (shirtless): let's talk about sin and how you deny yourself pleasure  
> l (internally): oh my god why isn't he putting on his shirt did he forget it wasn't on? should i say something? oh no


	9. Search

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sliding back into a zone where reading my own writing gives me massive secondhand embarrassment which has made editing and thinking about things critically difficult so sorry again that this is a little late! It's also given me some writing block which is annoying but I still have like 8 chapters of backlog after this, and a little hiatus coming up soon so no sweat! Thank you all so much for the comments and I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to replying to your responses to the last update (it's been a really busy week and probably will be until my semester ends) but please know how much they made me smile!!! thank you all so much for everything!!

Light was supposed to wake up in New York and feel inspired. Instead, he woke up feeling shitty. It wasn’t just that he was groggy, which he was, but L’s rejection had stuck with him and bothered him all throughout his flight. Light felt embarrassed and exhausted, which made him irritated. He wanted to lash out, but neither Wedy nor Aizawa was a suitable scratching post, so Light felt worse. 

Fortunately, whoever made their schedule took into account that they were not all superhuman detectives with no need of sleep, so when they reached their hotel Light collapsed into his bed and passed out. It was a little annoying to share a room with Aizawa, but he would manage. At least he was away from L, which was the whole reason he’d volunteered to go. Clearly he needed time away to clear his head. Light couldn’t believe he’d actually stooped so low as to make a move. If anything, he should have gotten L to make a move. It was pathetic that he couldn’t even accomplish that, and even more humiliating that L had  _ still  _ turned him down. Ethics or not, Light was honestly starting to wonder if maybe L just wasn’t gay, and whatever they’d been doing while handcuffed had just been some fluke.

When Light woke an hour later, he felt marginally better, though he had a feeling his frustration would remain until he either spent a chunk of time alone thinking about killing L, fucking L, or both, or could get back to Tokyo to pursue one of those fantasies. Punching him in the face  _ had _ made Light feel pretty great, even if the bruise set him back with the task force. L had told them he’d fallen in the bathroom, but it was pretty clear only Matsuda believed that.

“Good, you’re awake.” Aizawa dropped Light’s messenger bag onto his bed next to him. He was in the process of doing up his tie. “I have a fake badge for you, and we just got a stack of statements from the precinct. Your English is stronger than mine so it’ll be better if we go through them together, and then we can speak to a local officer.”

Light sat up and dug a change of clothes out of his messenger bag. “Would you be good enough to let me shower first?”

“It was shower or nap. You picked nap.”

Light sighed and changed into a pair of clean clothes.

Going through the statements proved energizing. They split them up, with Light taking the newer statements and Aizawa looking through those relating to the first round of deaths. Light wasn’t sure if they’d even be leaving the hotel room, though he thought it was possible, as Wedy had passed on one of L’s strange belts. Using it seemed simple enough, but he couldn’t imagine why he would need to.

Around two in the afternoon, Aizawa coughed to get Light’s attention. “Take a look at this.”

He passed three of the statements over to Light. He’d underlined points in each that referenced guards failing to show up to work before the deaths. In one instance, the guard had been found dead in his apartment a week later. That sounded familiar, so Light shuffled through the statements he’d read and found another that matched.

“I’d be interested to follow up on these,” Light said.

“I’m particularly interested in the guard who was found dead. I’m surprised there’s no supplemental.”

Next they met with the local officers involved on the case. This was less energizing. Light would even go so far as to call it exhausting. The meager information they got out of it was barely worth the time and effort.

Wedy relayed all of this information to L at the end of the day, which made Light feel a little less like he and Aizawa were investigating on L’s behalf, and more like Wedy was managing them and the investigation for L, but he didn’t say anything. Aizawa skipped around on the television for an hour to unwind before bed and Light was glad L had at least graduated from insistence that he needed to be monitored in the shower. Light relished in the chance to clean himself off, and felt much better when he went to bed. Wedy had suggested he take a sleeping aid since he’d napped that morning so Light did, and fell asleep easily.

The next few days proved as boring, draining, and unhelpful. Any evidence that came up led to nothing. There was footage of one guard entering an area he wasn’t authorized too, but that guard had a clear alibi proving he’d been elsewhere at the time. This meant someone had stolen his uniform, but there were no fingerprints on the uniform and it was found where it was supposed to be. Light thought they might be onto something when one of the missing guards was found dead, with their time of death placed well before their last shift at work but then the coroner suggested that the heat had sped up the decomposition rate which checked out, since he didn’t have air conditioning and .

Light asked Aizawa on the third day if he thought this killer was using a death note, and Aizawa shrugged helplessly. “Probably not,” he said. “It seems unlikely, doesn’t it? A third one. And the deaths aren’t happening concurrently. But then again, what else is there?”

“Nothing we know of,” Light agreed. “It’s odd to have found a supernatural weapon, especially since it opens the door to other possibilities, without revealing anything about any of them.”

They spent some time discussing ways to move forward without barring supernatural possibilities or overlooking real world ones, and Wedy called L to arrange a tour of one of the prisons. This left them with little to do while they waited for whatever new information this brought so Wedy sent them to get some specific candies for L. At Aizawa’s suggestion, he and Light took that errand as a chance to spend some time as tourists. Aizawa wouldn’t have been Light’s first choice among his coworkers for such an outing — naturally, that would have been Matsuda or Misa — but eventually the layer of awkwardness between them thinned. Aizawa took great care in selecting souvenirs to bring home to his family, which Light thought was endearing. He never thought he would miss Sayu’s badgering but found himself wishing he could get something for her. He ended up buying a card with the city skyline, thinking that he might be able to mail it to her. Light also bought extras of the candy L had requested, wondering how good it could be.

The answer turned out to be: terrible. Light ate one of them in the ride back to their hotel and gagged. It tasted like medicine. He offered one to Aizawa, who made a face and shook his head. Light thought about throwing it out the window. The city was dirty enough that he doubted anyone would mind. Instead, he pocketed it and sulked.

When Light went to shower that night, he heard Aizawa’s phone ring. He answered it and spoke in a low voice while Light turned the fan on. It didn’t sound like he was talking to L, or a member of his family.

“—I don’t know. He’s just a kid.” Light turned on the sink so Aizawa wouldn’t worry that he was listening. “It is odd. I definitely understand where Ryuzaki’s coming from. No, he hasn’t said anything.”

It had to be another member of the task force. Had they asked Aizawa if Light had done anything strange? Light couldn’t hear what Aizawa said next and turned off the sink. Aizawa sighed loudly.

“I don’t know what I’d do. Well, he was a minor, wasn’t he? I don’t know if he could have done it. I know it’s unlikely. This is exhausting to talk about, Matsuda.”

Satisfied with his eavesdropping, Light turned on the shower. Unbidden, an image of L came into his mind, on the phone with Wedy to ask about him. It would be around nine in the morning, and he would have just had a cup of tea that was mostly sugar, with a little cream, and some decadent pastry from the hotel. Light wondered if he had asked them to get candy just to make Light run the errand, and if he would do that to remind Light he was under his thumb, or to fulfill some faux-domestic fantasy. Either would probably be in reaction to his attempt to kiss L before his departure.

His annoyance growing, Light turned the water to cold and pressed his forehead against the tiled wall. 

The next day, things got exciting.

The first hour or so of their day at the prison, speaking mostly to administrative staff, was entirely unhelpful. But the next round of questionings brought in a sanitation worker who noted a decrease in her workload as fewer uniforms came her way and another who commented that there hadn’t been much work in the cells for him to do following the deaths, as they were always spotless, even in cases where the accident should have been messier. He laughed about how lucky it was, and Aizawa exchanged a glance with Light. Next they began speaking to the guard staff, and everything started to slide into place. In the weeks leading up the bout of deaths, a significant amount of guards had quit their jobs, and a mix of questioning and quick research showed that of those, a decent amount had died, at least three of suicide. It took hours of weaseling, but Aizawa and Light finally found the connection: the guard whose time of death hadn’t lined up.

“Clearly there was an impersonator, right?” Light asked Aizawa after they wrapped up their final round of questioning. “They could have a death note, or some other method of killing — that still doesn’t quite add up. But all the signs point toward someone taking that guard’s place.”

“Ryuzaki’s already arranged our access to the security footage,” Aizawa pointed out. “We should review it again, and maybe compare it to earlier tapes from before he would have been killed.”

Light could think of nothing more painful than combing through a month’s worth of footage with Aizawa, especially when they’d already sat through at least a hundred hours of it.

After his shower that night, once Aizawa had turned off the television to go to sleep, Light heard Wedy speaking to L on the phone. He was already exhausted by the week ahead of him, and hearing her muffled voice through the wall sparked something in Light’s chest. He suddenly felt incredibly physically uncomfortable and warm.

“Aizawa-san,” he said softly, and Aizawa grunted to let Light know he was awake. Light sat up. “Aizawa-san, I’m having some trouble sleeping. I’ve been reading a book in my free time that Ryuzaki lent me and I’d like to call him to discuss it, but I don’t want to keep you up. I could go out on the balcony, or the hallway. I’d be on the phone with him the whole time.”

Aizawa grumbled something indecipherable, then rolled over.

“Wedy should still be awake,” he said. “You can call him in her room.”

Light nodded curtly and swung his legs off the bed. He grabbed the book from his night stand, though it was really just a pretense, and left their room quickly. The hotel hallway was brightly lit, and Light squinted as he knocked on Wedy’s door. She opened in in her robe, sighed, and held it open to let him in. She pointed Light to her balcony and said he could call L from it so long as he left the door open.

Once Light had his phone in hand to dial L, it occurred to him that doing so might be a terrible idea. But it would be embarrassing to back down now. What would he even say to Aizawa?  _ “No, sorry, I didn’t end up calling him. Why? Oh, because I got nervous. Not because I’m Kira, because I prescribe an unreasonable value to his approval! It’s very platonic!” _

The phone rang and then a voice told him the number was not currently available. Enraged, Light called again. This time L answered.

“Light-kun,” he greeted. His voice was, as always, perfectly smooth. Light had always hated L’s gentle voice, because it clashed so violently with the rest of him, and because it always managed to make him feel a little softer inside. “Surely you realize I cannot talk for long. I’ve already delayed the task force’s meeting by an hour to accommodate Wedy’s briefing.”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Light said. He tried to make it sound sweet and sincere, but winced as he failed. L would either think he sounded aggressive or bratty. Neither was good. “About the book,” Light added weakly. “But I wanted to tell you about the investigation too.”

“I will be more than eager to hear Light-kun’s thoughts on the investigation when he returns. For now, I think it best not to spread myself too thin.”

“Fine,” Light snapped. “Then I want to hear  _ your _ thoughts on this case. How did you know this wasn’t Kira? Surely there was a reason.”

“Ah,” L clucked his tongue. “It is a long story, and I don’t think I can discuss it with you at the moment. But I wouldn’t want you to think I’m withholding information, either. It reminded me of an older case I’d worked.”

“How so? Surely you can see how that might be valuable information to Aizawa-san and I, right?”

“It was something of an outlier, as far as my cases go, and all involved parties are now deceased. But the similarities do distress me. I’ve spoken to Wedy and we’ve arranged for you and Aizawa-san to fly home the day following tomorrow.”

Light’s lips curved up. “Do you think we’re that close, or are you worried?”

“I’m worried,” L said dismissively. 

“About me?” Light prompted, trying again to make it sound sweet. He thought vaguely of how good L had been to him while they’d been handcuffed, trying so hard to accommodate Light, to praise Light’s work. It wasn’t simply that he wanted to have sex with L again, but some shred of that devotion from the detective would be nice. Alternatively, it would also work if he simply decided to back off from Light forever, though Light found that option less exciting.

L was silent for a long moment. “Yagami-kun, of course I am concerned about you. You are a good friend to me.”

That was the worst thing he could have said, and Light thought he must know that. He blinked at the phone, surprised by how much the sentence stung.

“I miss you,” he said. It was an easy lie.

L sighed. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do.”

This wasn’t a good response, either. He was giving Light nothing to work with. He decided to change the topic, quickly. “I really called to talk about  _ Frankenstein _ . It’s the first time I’ve actually read it.”

“Yes,” L said. “That also reminds me of the aforementioned case.”

“The old one.”

“Yes. Did you enjoy it?”

“No.” Light flipped the pages absentmindedly. “I found it a little boring, which I wasn’t expecting. I thought it’d at least have a compelling plot.”

L hummed pleasantly, in a way that sounded like agreement. “I enjoy it more for Shelley’s prose and the emotional conflict than the overall narrative. Light-kun, I’d like to speak with you more about this, but I Misa-chan is attempting to inflict something upon me. I’ll see you the day after tomorrow.”

L hung up with a click. Light’s hands were suddenly numb, and took an absurdly long time to fall down.

“Inflict” was Ryuzaki’s way of referring to the act of giving him hearty foods. Anything that could be considered sustenance was a weapon to be wielded against him. Why the hell was Misa giving him food? Why had L  _ hung up  _ to deal with it, rather than using the call as excuse to avoid food?

Light was losing his grip on both of them. His world was coming undone. He took in a deep breath to steady himself and nearly fell against the railing.

“Fuck,” he said aloud, and his throat felt raw. He shouldn’t have come to New York, or avoided Misa. He hadn’t needed to keep in touch with her, he could have just apologized when she moved into the suite. It would have been so easy to get back with her. Would getting her memories back help? Light thought about calling her but realized with growing terror that he didn’t have her number memorized or saved on his bugged phone, and if Ryuk was with the new Kira, there was no way to remind her anyway. Light’s grip on his phone was so tight, his knuckles were white.

He sat there for a long time, taking in shallow breaths and feeling horrible, when the door opened wider. He hadn’t heard Wedy turn off the television, a testament to his cold panic.

She had a cigarette in her hands, and sat down by Light, dangling a leg off the balcony. She took a long drag and held it up toward him. Light wrinkled his nose at the smell. She shrugged, and smoked some more.

“I’m going to go to bed now.” It was the most personal thing she’d ever said about herself to Light. He wondered, not for the first time, what her accent was. He could never manage to place it. “You should go back to your room.”

Light nodded. She put out the cigarette and walked him back over. Light did not fall asleep for several hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guess who the (very obvious) killer is ryuk will give you an apple. unfortunately, as he and the apple are from the shinigami realm, you will not be able to see it. we at butchrem apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.


	10. Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would you look at that! an on-time update. howzabout it? this fic is already longer than my senior project has to be which is helpful bc it means I can definitely write a senior project's worth of stuff but also i just want to write lawlight fanfiction and not a senior project and haven't made any progress on it anyway.... huh. welp.
> 
> hope those of you with finals are having a better go of it than me!

L was making good progress on the Light Yagami situation. Not the Kira investigation, that was just as full of dead ends as ever. But a few days without Light’s company did wonders on what L was being forced to admit could, by some parties, be called a crush.  _ He _ wouldn’t call it a crush, by any means. He simply had complicated feelings about Light, because they had spent so much time together, because his particular work forced him to think of him so often, and because Light was very good looking. It was, L told himself, a perfectly rational reaction someone so charming. L had done his best to ignore the feelings in the months following Light’s official arrest, but now it was clear that hadn’t worked.

L had taken it upon himself to do some research in his very limited spare time, and had even managed to read a few articles and books on what to do, broadly, in his predicament. Now he was dealing with his feelings as efficiently as he could. Everything he’d read told him to cease contact with Light, but this was impossible. He would have to do as much as he could in the time he was gone and just hope it was enough to start.

Unfortunately, though he was making good progress, it wasn’t enough. L was able to focus on his work and felt better about a future where he wasn’t dealing with Light every day, but he still found himself wishing that Light were here. A few days into Light’s absence, L found himself drifting off during a meeting and imagining a somewhat elaborate reunion. He would go to pick Light up at his private jet, having already arrested the new Kira while Light was away and thus being able to chance an outing safely. Light would get off the jet and looked surprised to see him, then wave. He would walk toward him slowly, and when he reached L, he would take his hand and smile at him and tell him it was good to see him again. L had been pulled back to reality when, in total awe, Matsuda asked why L had stopped eating his cake and L suddenly wanted to throw up.

On the bright side, Light’s absence also allowed L ample time to consider his reply to Kira with a clear mind. It also meant Misa now only spent time in L’s suite when she wanted his company, which was still enough time to be distracting, but at least she wasn’t hounding him anymore.

L decided to take his cue from Kira, and typed a message on elegant cardstock. He weighed the pros and cons of sending it to the police station with the task force. Misa, who wast still joining them as a secretary, pointed out that a live broadcast would make information about the rather secretive case available to the public while Watari noted that if the letter was received at the station, Kira would have to control and thus kill someone to do so. Eventually, L decided to risk the police station, to the task force’s great protest. It was a dangerous move, and was sure to result in the death of another criminal, most likely a petty one, but they might be able to compare that person’s movements to the dead drug dealer and find a lead. L felt guilty when called Sanami and handed over the letter, and thinking about Light in New York only made him feel worse.

The letter was claimed before the week was out by a thief, who promptly mailed it to Sakura TV. It was read on live television by Hitoshi Demegawa, who proclaimed that he was honored to deliver such an important message to Kira before opening it. He was visibly disappointed by how vague L’s letter was, and L was glad he’d kept it brief.

“ _ You are correct. I am willing to negotiate with you. They will not speak to you unless you identify yourself.  _ Huh,” Demegawa brandished the letter. “Maybe L is finally learning some respect for Kira, hmm? About time. At Sakura TV, we know Kira’s word is God’s. We’re pleased to bring you a new program, which will debut in the coming weeks—”

Matsuda turned the volume down and shot L a sympathetic look. 

All in all, the week passed in irritated apathy. L couldn’t bring himself to focus on either the New York case or the Kira investigation for more than an hour at a time and, more often than not, found himself instead envying Aizawa who was at least out gathering new information and keeping Light company. L wasn’t completely miserable, as he did have Misa to keep his time full, but it wasn’t quite the same.

Still, he allowed himself to be dragged into a few more after-work movie nights. This seemed to endear L to the rest of the task force, if nothing else, and Misa was good enough to grab his arm whenever she reacted to the screen. L had always believed that any relationship he had with Misa Amane would be platonic. She was obsessed with Light, and even if she was gorgeous, they didn’t have much in the way of chemistry. And even if she wasn’t stupid, as L had learnt, her interests barely overlapped with his. She liked diet, exercise, and fashion. L liked cake, cake, and more cake. Their only common interests were Light, and celebrity gossip. But anyone would have found her attractive, not just L, and the last few months in contact with her had revealed her likable qualities. L thought she was probably trying to use him to make Light jealous, but had begun to consider her as rebound material. That night, when she grabbed his arm to shout at a scene that scared no one else, L made up his mind to try thinking about her every time he thought about Light. This was easy, as Misa was frequently around him, but the fact that thinking about her often prompted L to start thinking about Light made it complicated again. 

After a day, L gave up on this strategy when it resulted in him picturing Light in Misa’s garters and having to shove a lollipop down his throat to gag himself and push the image away. Misa shook him in terror, demanding to know what was wrong, and L was just relieved that he’d physically driven the image away before his body could react. When Misa was sure he hadn’t died, L found himself thinking again about those garters, and how easy it would be to simply order them for Light. He was sure he would wear them, if L asked. Even if he didn’t really care about L, he was clearly attracted to him enough to pursue him, and he was trying hard to stay on his good side. After all, Light had been the one to kiss him before he left. If he ordered a corset like Amane’s, and a pair of garters, Light would probably do anything L asked. He would do more than wear them—

L shoved the lollipop down his throat again and retched, making Misa scream.

Wedy suggested the next morning that he bring Light and Aizawa home, once they’d spoken to witnesses from the prison. She seemed convinced that they’d collected enough evidence to mull things over at home, and that L was only delaying their return because he was afraid of Light coming home. L told her he would think this over. That was the day that Matsuda broke protocol.

Misa rushed into L’s suite moments after he’d kicked her out for some peace and quiet. “Matsui’s on his phone!” she whined, the very picture of a tattler. “He took a call on his cell phone and told someone about the hotel! Do you think it’s Kira? Is Kira going to kill Matsuda?”

It took L a full minute to untangle himself and assure Misa that if Kira were to kill Matsuda he would use it as an opportunity to kill him, which ended up backfiring. Misa grabbed him again, near tears, and L had to accept that he was going to spend the next few hours with her on his arm. With a panicked Misa in tow, he went to Watari’s room and reviewed the footage of the phone call. Watari had already traced the call to the police station. L started to get concerned, as their only connection to Kira had been through the station, and Misa gasped when she heard Matsuda call out for Ryuzaki. L shoved her off and left her with Watari while he went to meet him, heart pounding. It would be a shame if he died now, and by Matsuda’s hand. 

“Ryuzaki!” Matsuda bowed when L entered the suite’s main room. “I— I think I heard Misa telling you I took a call. I wanted to be honest with you. I gave away our location, but I promise I had a good reason. It wasn’t to Kira, I swear.”

“Alright,” L said cautiously. “Why don’t you explain yourself, and then I’ll consider whether or not we should fire you?”

“Thank you!” Matsuda bowed lower. “I’m really sorry, Ryuzaki. I know I should have spoken to you but I didn’t think twice, and I feel awful.”

“Tell me what happened,” L said, quickly losing his patience.

“Yagami-san called me,” Matsuda spoke quickly. L couldn’t hide his surprise, which seemed to spur him on. “He has information for you regarding Light and the new Kira. He sounded really concerned. I told him I would meet him in the lobby to take it up to you and see if you could speak to him.”

“Alright,” L nodded. “I suppose that’s forgivable, but please don’t act so rashly again.”

He still felt somewhat paranoid. He had no idea how close this new Kira was to him, and if he’d determined Light had been the first Kira, perhaps he was controlling Soichiro Yagami. L hoped this would not be the case, and sent Matsuda down to gather the evidence. He returned to Watari’s side and, when Matsuda met Soichiro in the lobby, had Watari call him to invite Soichiro up. If Soichiro was being controlled, keeping him out of the suite would hardly do anything now. Matsuda gave a delighted exclamation and brought Soichiro back with him. Watari went about collecting their phones and escorted them into the suite while L ushered Misa back to her rooms.

Soichiro looked much older than the last time L had seen him. He bowed gratefully when he saw L.

“Ryuzaki.” He sounded tired. “Thank you for allowing me up here. It’s a relief to see you.”

“Of course, Yagami-san.” L was surprised by how concerned Soichiro seen. His heart sank when he held out a piece of heavy cardstock. “Kira’s made contact with you?”

“This arrived in my mail this morning.” Soichiro shrugged away some of his exhaustion. “It was in a larger envelope, addressed to me.” Soichiro nodded to Watari, who held the larger envelope out to L. There was only a small piece of paper inside, with instructions: to deliver the other letter to L. “I’m terribly sorry, but I read the letter, and I’m glad I did. Tell me what you think. Please.”

L read dutifully, and his heart sank.

_ Detective L: _

_ I am grateful for your timely response. I have concluded that Light Yagami, son of Chief Soichiro Yagami, is Kira. I would like to speak with him. I cannot reveal my name or face to you at this time. Regrettably, if I cannot speak with my predecessor, I will be forced to take drastic action. I recognize that you will need time to take arrangements. If I have not made contact with Light in one week, I will have no choice but to kill him. _

_ Thank you. _

The letter was not signed.

“Yes,” L said. “I see why you’re concerned.”

“Ryuzaki,” Soichiro went on without acknowledging the letter. “Matsuda told me Light had joined you here. I think I’d like to speak to him.”

L bit his lip.

“That is true,” he said. “But Light is not currently in the country. He and Aizawa-san offered to handle an errand for me in New York.”

Soichiro blinked.

“Ryuzaki, how can Light speak to Kira if he’s in New York? Surely it would benefit the investigation to—”

L lifted a hand to silence him. “Yagami-san, I have no intention of letting Kira kill Light. I will arrange for them to return before the week is up so there is no need for concern.”

Soichiro thought this over.

“I think,” he finally said. “It would be prudent for me to rejoin your investigation. I know my position is difficult, but if my son is working to prove his innocence, I should be helping him. And if Kira tries to hurt him, I should be there to protect him.”

“I thought you might say something like that.” L set the card aside. “But Yagami-san, what would you do if Light defected to work with Kira? Would you defect too?”

Soichiro blanched. “Of course not. You’ve asked me before what I would do if Light  _ were  _ guilty, and that hasn’t changed. Kira is a criminal who must be brought to justice. But with all due respect, I know my son. I do trust your judgement, Ryuzaki, but I believe you’re in the wrong.”

“Alright,” L nodded. “Your tireless work and keen mind have been greatly missed, Yagami-san. Let me speak to Light about what he thinks is best. In the meantime, you should watch over your family.”

“Yes. Thank you.” Soichiro’s voice cracked as he spoke, and as soon as he departed, L messaged Wedy to let her know the day speaking with witnesses would be Light and Aizawa’s final day in New York.

The next morning, she called him to go over the flight plan and share Light and Aizawa’s conclusions.

Not long after, L’s phone rang. It was Light. Thinking that he didn’t have the heart to talk to him right now, and that it wouldn’t be good to talk to him when he was worried and thus more susceptible to Light’s charms, he let it ring.

Light apparently was not satisfied with this, and called again. This time L answered, more eagerly than he should have.

“Light-kun,” he greeted. He fought not to let his fear through. He wasn’t sure what worried him most. The idea that Kira might kill Light, or that Light might make contact with him and kill L. “Surely you realize I cannot talk for long. I’ve already delayed the task force’s meeting by an hour to accommodate Wedy’s briefing.”

“I wanted to talk to you.” Light sounded disappointed and L’s spirits, which were already low, found a way to wiggle lower. “About the book, but I wanted to tell you about the investigation too.”

Hearing his voice filled L with a relief L almost didn’t recognize. He hated that Light could do this to him, turn him into someone he didn’t know. L needed to get him off the line so he could calm himself down and get to work. “I will be more than eager to hear Light-kun’s thoughts on the investigation when he returns. For now, I think it best not to spread myself too thin.”

“Fine. Then I want to hear  _ your _ thoughts on this case. How did you know this wasn’t Kira? Surely there was a reason.”

“Ah. It is a long story, and I don’t think I can discuss it with you at the moment.” He could fill Light in when he knew he wasn’t about to murder him. “But I wouldn’t want you to think I’m withholding information, either. It reminded me of an older case I’d worked.”

“How so? Surely you can see how that might be valuable information to Aizawa-san and I, right?”

No. There was no possible connection. L had determined that ages ago. “It was something of an outlier, as far as my cases go, and all involved parties are now deceased. But the similarities do distress me. I’ve spoken to Wedy and we’ve arranged for you and Aizawa-san to fly home the day following tomorrow.”

“Do you think we’re that close, or are you worried?” Light sounded playful.

L decided to tell the truth. “I’m worried.” 

“About me?” 

What on earth could he say to that? L didn’t want Light to know the danger that surrounded him. Because a scared killer would lash out. Because he wanted Light to feel safe. For any reason, really. The thoughts circled L like vultures, and he struggled to beat them back. “Yagami-kun, of course I am concerned about you. You are a good friend to me.”

It was difficult to say.

“I miss you,” Light said. The words practically made L flinch. This week was supposed to undo the Light situation. How the hell had he managed to dig himself deeper into this hole?

“I don’t know what you’re trying to do,” L replied, because it was the only thing he could think of to say. It was true. He wished Light would tell him. Things would be so easy if Light would just declare that he was Kira but would give it all up for L, or commit to his true nature and kill him. Surely this had to be tiring for him too.

Light seemed embarrassed by the rejection. “I really called to talk about  _ Frankenstein _ . It’s the first time I’ve actually read it.”

“Yes,” L said. “That also reminds me of the aforementioned case.”

“The old one.”

“Yes. Did you enjoy it?”

“No.” Light perked up as he slipped into lighter conversation. “I found it a little boring, which I wasn’t expecting. I thought it’d at least have a compelling plot.”

L was inclined to agree. Of course, Light was always full of compelling literary analysis. The last time they’d spoken about literature, Light had been shirtless. He had kissed L into the bed and L had wanted so badly to give into it. The idea of Light in Misa’s corset and garters slipped into L’s mind again, and this time he had no way of gagging himself. L panicked and tried to think of something he could say.

“I enjoy it more for Shelley’s prose and the emotional conflict than the overall narrative,” L said frantically. Light had asked L if he believed in sin. The promise of philosophical debate was thrilling, but more thrilling was the way the word  _ sin  _ fell off of Light’s lips. L certainly believed in sin, where Light Yagami was concerned. What other word was there to describe his intoxicating effect?

Fortunately, at that moment, the door to his suite opened and Misa held up a large green cup in a vicious proclamation.

“It’s sweet!” she said. “I put syrup in it! I bet you’ll like it!”

_ Thank god, _ L thought. “Light-kun, I’d like to speak with you more about this, but I Misa-chan is attempting to inflict something upon me. I’ll see you the day after tomorrow.”

Light started to say goodbye and L hung up before he could think twice.

“Was that Light? Did he ask about me?”

“Light-kun is coming home.” L felt dizzy.

He took the smoothie and downed it, which made Misa cheer in victory. It didn’t make him throw up, which he’d been hoping for. It was sweet, but still tasted appalling.

“You did it!” Misa whooped. “You’re healthy now!”

“I think I need to go to bed,” L said blearily.

“Oh  _ no _ .” Misa grabbed the cup back. “I’m sorry. It was too healthy, wasn’t it? Are you sick?”

L didn’t have the energy to explain how she was wrong. “No. Please tell the task force I’ll join them a little later.”

“Okay,” she said nervously. “Are you alright?”

L brushed aside her concern and went to lay down.

He was used to trouble with falling asleep but could usually squeeze out a few hours whenever he willed himself to.

L lay awake the whole day.


	11. Culprit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all know what it is ❤️

Aizawa shook Light awake at four in the morning. He pulled his hands away quickly when he saw Light stirring. “Something’s wrong. How quickly can you pack?”

Light sprung up. “Quickly.”

Aizawa nodded and went to throw his own clothes into his suitcase. For the first time, Light was glad he kept only a few clothes. He was less glad that they would all be wrinkled when he took them out. He pulled on the shirt he’d ironed the night before and shoved the candy and the copy of Frankenstein into his messenger bag as Aizawa closed his suitcase. The lights were off.

“What’s wrong?”

“I won’t brief you till we’re in the air,” Aizawa said curtly. “I can’t be sure this isn’t Kira’s doing yet.”

Sleepy as he was, it took Light a few moments to understand. Something had happened to Wedy.

“Is she okay?” It  _ could _ be Kira — she was a recorded criminal, even if a cat burglar was hardly Kira’s typical victim.

There was a knock on their door, and Aizawa swore under his breath. Light heard a click as Aizawa readied his gun. Light regretted taking the bed by the door.

“Light-kun, here,” Aizawa said quietly. Light needed no further prompting and moved behind him quickly. Aizawa tore his gaze from the door to look at Light’s eyes and stared at him for a moment. Then he refocused his attention. “There’s another gun under my bed, in case something happens. Get out onto the balcony and go into Wedy’s room and you should be able to make it into the hallway. If you hurry you should be able to get away before they realize you aren’t here, and if you go to the front desk they can connect you to Ryuzaki.”

There was another knock at the door.

“Now,” Aizawa said again, firmer, and Light took an uncertain step back toward the balcony.

There was a beeping sound as whoever was outside scanned a keycard, and then the door opened. The bright hallway lights lit the woman from behind, making her face hard to discern.

“I’ll shoot,” Aizawa threatened, and the door closed behind her.

“Now, that’s not very proper, is it?” she cooed. “That’s bad behavior. You’ll wake up your neighbors.”

She lunged forward suddenly and something flew through the air at Aizawa, who fired and dodged. She dove over the bed at him and Aizawa fired again, and Light heard a shout somewhere in the distance. The woman buried something in Aizawa’s neck and Light cried out. She stood up and turned toward Light.

Light’s mouth went dry. It was Naomi Misora.

“How are you alive?” he asked, his throat feeling swollen. It wasn’t possible but it was  _ her _ , unmistakably her, alive and unblemished. Her skin shone pale blue in the darkness. She looked at Light with utter fascination and, Light realized with a chill, particular interest in the space above his head.

“You’re Kira?” she asked, with wonder. She grinned at Light. This was not the Misora he’d met before. There was no feeling behind her at all. “How exciting. I wasn’t expecting to find you so soon. And  _ here. _ And to think I was going to kill you. Well, I’ll be content.” She kicked Aizawa absentmindedly, and he made a pained sound. He was alive. “Does L know you’re with him, I wonder? We’ll have to talk about that later. I can’t let you leave.”

Her voice was wrong, it was too high and too breathy. And she had to have the Shinigami eyes. What else could she have been looking at?

Someone would come, there’d been a gunshot. Sure, New York City was loud, and Light was constantly hearing crashes and sirens out in the night, but these were  _ gunshots.  _ Someone would call the front desk, at least. Naomi picked Aizawa’s gun up and pointed it at Light lazily while she opened his pocket.

“Shiuchi Aizawa.” She tapped him on the head with his wallet. “That’s not what it says on your identification. You’re assimilating to America well. It’s a pity you can’t stay longer.”

Aizawa heaved a breath and struggled to push himself up into a sit. She set the wallet down on his head and turned back to Light, still pointing the gun.

“Are you hungry?” She headed for the mini fridge. “I assume L is paying, yes?” She opened the door and closed it, nose wrinkled. “Well, forget that. It’s good I came prepared.”

Light had no idea what to do. He needed to figure out what was going on — was she working for Kira? Was it really Naomi Misora? There had to be a way he could get out of whatever this was.

“You think I’m Kira,” Light said carefully, as she opened her jacket.

She pulled out a bag of jam-filled cookies and pulled it open, and threw a cookie toward Light. It bounced off of him. She frowned. “Don’t waste food.”

“Excuse me?”

She brandished the gun at him. “Don’t. Waste. Food.”

What the hell? She was completely insane. Had something happened to her brain when she was supposed to die? Light knelt to pick up the cookie and she gave him an aggressive look. He ate it. She seemed to accept this and tossed a cookie into her own mouth.

“Why do you think I’m Kira?” Light prompted again, even slower. Did she remember his confession? 

“Well, it’s pretty obvious.” She spewed cookie crumbs at him.

“How are you alive?”

She smiled again, widely, and put a finger to her lips. Then she jumped, her expression clearing. “Goodness! I made a mistake. You think I’m someone else. No, Misora’s gone for good, I think. Pity.”

She giggled and then — Light didn’t know how else to describe it — she pulled her face off. Light shouted and Aizawa grimaced as all what looked like a thin layer of skin peeled away. She tossed it to the ground and Light was relieved to realize it was latex. She was paler now, her face horrifically white and still, and her angles were all sharper. Light realized, suddenly, that the difference he’d heard in her voice was because this was a man.

“Are you the New York killer?” he asked, edging his way toward the bed. Maybe he could get the gun.

“Oh, yes,” the man nodded. “That’s why I have to kill Shiuchi. But you certainly throw a wrench in things. Killing his agent was supposed to tell him it wasn’t Kira, since Kira’s never butchered anyone. But if I take you with me, he’ll think it’s still Kira, won’t he? He’ll still come to play, but it won’t be for  _ me. _ Hmm.”

He opened his jacket again. 

“Well,” he said, regretfully. “I could kill you too. It would be worthwhile for my research. I’ve always wondered if I could carve a date in. And you could be working for L. Are you?” Light looked at Aizawa in panic. “I suppose it’s not really a waste.” He pulled a knife from his jacket, and he let the cookies fall to the floor. He stared at it with great sadness. “You might be Kira, but that doesn’t mean you’re worth anything to me. I’ll bet you haven’t even found the equation. Maybe you don’t even know what the numbers mean, Light Yagami.”

“The lifespans,” Light said. “You have the Shinigami eyes, but you aren’t Kira. How is that possible?”

“Shinigami eyes?” The man looked up. “What an interesting name. A god of death. It’s an appealing title, isn’t it? Is that what you are? A shinigami?” He frowned. “Do you kill with the eyes?”

“No,” Light shook his head. “But Aizawa and I— know about them. Maybe we can—”

“Begging? How boring. You should be more like your friend.” He gestured with the knife at Aizawa. “He’s facing his death with dignity.”

“No, I mean it!” Light thought he could see the gun Aizawa had told him about. “You don’t have a notebook, do you? So you don’t know where they come from.”

“Alright,” the man sounded interested. “I’m curious to know how you kill. You can kill Shiuchi for me, and then I’ll deal with butchering him so L won’t blame you. Is that fair?”

Light’s cheeks were growing hot, and his heart cold, panic overtaking him. “No, I can’t do that.” It wasn’t just that he didn’t want to kill Aizawa, especially not in cold blood, but there were cameras all over the hotel room to boot. If he took the piece of death note from his watch, L would see. He’d be convicted. And Aizawa would never go home and give his daughter the worthless souvenirs.

Out of the corner of his eye, Aizawa moved. Light glanced his way, then back at the man threatening them. Aizawa had managed to press his belt. Their conversation was being recorded. But why did he need to record it if there were security cameras?

_ Because there aren’t,  _ Light realized.  _ Either there never were, or this man got to them. That could have been how they realized something was wrong. Maybe he traced them, somehow, which is why he went after Wedy first.  _ Did that mean Wedy was dead?

The phone on the nightstand began to ring. The man threw the knife aside, sighed, and went to answer it. The gun was still pointed at Light. Light reached, very slowly, under the bed and felt around.

The man laughed. “I’m so sorry, my friend managed to knock the desk over. Can you believe it?”

Light glanced at Aizawa again as his hands found the gun. Light had never fired a gun before, but had a good understanding of the principal. He pulled it into his lap and adjusted his grip on it. Aizawa was shaking and his eyes weren’t focused on Light. 

“I understand completely,” the man said smoothly. “When will the wifi be working again? Thank you.” Light folded his hands over the gun to hide it as he hung up. He turned toward Aizawa and crouched in front of him and then set down the gun. “Don’t move, Light.”

He shrugged of his jacket and, from an inside pocket, pulled out a pair of latex gloves. Light tried to get a good grip on the gun while he put them on, taking great care to fit on each finger. He looked at Aizawa for a moment, as though he hadn’t quite made up his mind about what he was going to do, then wrapped his fingers around his neck and started to squeeze. Aizawa made a horrible choking sound and reached for the man’s arm, clearly straining, then let his hands fall to his sides. Light saw him look away from the man and to the gun, and he used his strength to kick it away.

“Aw, cute,” the man cooed, and Light jumped up and trained the second gun on him, and kicked the first further away.

“Alright,” Light fought to keep his voice steady. He’d never dreamt he’d be in a situation like this before, even when all he wanted was to be a police officer. “Let go of him.”

The man raised an eyebrow and turned. He looked at Light with disinterest. “You’re really making this very difficult. I only meant to be here about five minutes.”

He released Aizawa and kicked the gun from Light’s hands, Light’s reflexes too slow to avoid it. But it didn’t matter, he swept up the other as the man lunged for his middle and Light crashed against the door to the balcony. The glass shattered and he cried out in pain and stumbled against the railing. The man grabbed a shard of glass and, not seeming to notice the gash it left on his hand, brought it down against Light’s stomach. Light fired the gun and missed spectacularly, the bullet colliding with the wall outside Wedy’s room, and then tried to punch the man in the face. This worked better and he fell off of him. Light scrambled up. He could try to climb up to another balcony or knock the man off; neither seemed like a good option.

“I almost forgot to ask,” the man panted, and came at Light again with the shard. Light ducked and swung at him again. He dodged this time, but was forced back, and Light was able to step closer to the door. He hadn’t had time to put his shoes on and heard glass crunch under his feet, and winced. “Was it you that killed Misora? I assumed, but my curiosity isn’t quite sated.”

“Who the hell are you?” Light asked. “What do you want?”

“I’ll trade you the answer,” he said eagerly. “I’m B. I want to send L a message.”

“What the message?”

He lifted the shard over his head and brought it down at Light. Light jumped through the broken door, scraping his arm, and saw that Aizawa had pulled himself to a stand and had the second gun. He had it pointed at B.

“The police are on their way,” Aizawa told B. 

“Aw, beans,” B said. “It wore off.”

“You have two options,” Aizawa went on. “I can shoot you, or you can wait for them to arrest you.”

“You’re forgetting the third option,” B said brightly, and turned to climb onto the railing.

“Alright,” Aizawa conceded. “You can kill yourself, too. Be my guest. I’d love to see you scraped off the sidewalk.”

B blew him a kiss. “Believe me, Shiuchi, I’ve had worse!”

He jumped backwards with the elegance of a diver and Aizawa moved to pursue him, then doubled over in pain.

“Go check,” he gasped at Light, and Light took the gun and rushed outside. B had caught himself two stories below, and waved cheerfully at Light. Light fired at him and he sidestepped easily. He shouted something to Light then smashed the door in front of him.

“He got it into another room!” Light shouted.

Aizawa groaned in pain, but made it over to the phone. Light turned and saw now that there was a shard of glass buried in his stomach. It must have struck him while he was standing up. Aizawa dialed a number and gave a room number, then dropped the phone and collapsed onto the bed.

“Should I call for an ambulance?” Light asked.

“No.” Aizawa pulled out the shard and hissed in pain. “Just get me a towel.”

Light nodded and raced to the bathroom for a towel, feeling the glass under his feet dig into his sole. He grabbed a towel and the first aid kit and hurried back over. He passed the towel to Aizawa and then focused on his own injuries. A few long moments passed.

“What happened to Wedy?” Light asked. “Did he kill her?”

“I don’t know.” Aizawa pulled the towel away and then pulled off his shirt. Light averted his eyes and pressed another Band-Aid onto his foot. Aizawa began to dress his wound. “We’ve been checking in twice each night and tonight we found something wrong with the video feed. Some of her equipment was tampered with. Then whoever that was attacked her.”

Light nodded.

This was bad. B had declared that he was Kira in front of Aizawa, on record. He hadn’t offered up any concrete evidence, and Light had managed to avoid condemning himself, but L would surely find a way to use it. Worse, they’d both been stabbed. Light didn’t know what to do about his wound, or the ones on his back. Would they scar? He shuddered at the thought and pressed his fingers again the injury. It helped with the pain, at least.

“Do you need help?” Aizawa asked.

“I’m okay,” Light said weakly. 

Aizawa rose and stood beside him. “Shirt, off.”

Light obediently pulled off his shirt and Aizawa set about disinfecting and bandaging his wound. After a few awkward moments a door opened; Light had always ignored it but now realized it led to Wedy’s room. They’d been connected this whole time.

Wedy appeared in the frame. It was the first time Light had ever seen her without sunglasses. She had piercing blue eyes, with smudged makeup and shadows beneath them.

“Thank god,” she said. “They’re alive.” She wasn’t talking to them. She had a phone in her hand, which meant L was probably on the line. “Did you record him?” It took Light a moment to realize she was speaking to them, this time. Aizawa nodded and pulled off his belt. “He was able to interrupt the wireless connection — that  _ is _ illegal, so you can add it to the list — but the file should be uncorrupted and I can upload it and send it to you. Did he say how he survived?” Again, it took Light a moment to realize she was no longer addressing the phone. He shook his head. “Nothing. Well, he’s not here. Did the police get him?” Light shrugged. “I won’t wait to find out. Roof? They’re already packed. Yes, they will, but it doesn’t look urgent.” She hung up. 

Light blinked, dumbfounded. He couldn’t pinpoint why he felt upset but realized that L hadn’t asked about him.

“You’re going into shock,” Aizawa informed him politely. “Put on a new shirt and take the blanket, the hotel can bill Ryuzaki.”

“Are you not in shock?”

“I’ve done this before.”

“Specifically?”

Aizawa made an expression somewhere between a grin and a grimace. “Besides, you’ve lost more blood.”

Light changed and the three of them made their way to the roof, where a helicopter was waiting. The pilot had a helmet on, but couldn’t have been older than Sayu. The helicopter took them to the private jet and they began the long flight home to Japan. Light sat awake for four hours, feeling helpless and afraid and hating it, and then passed into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone going home has safe travels :)  
> our boi will join the tags w the next update


	12. Renewal: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone!! i just wrapped up my finals and boy, is that a load off! i hope everyone else is at least somewhat relieved of their stresses as the year comes to an end. i have an important announcement regarding this fic, which I've hinted at before - after the next chapter, it'll be going on hiatus. One reason for this is that i want to fill in my backlog of chapters a little bit more (ideally to the end of the second arc/point of the second hiatus), but I might still post chapters from my backlog in this time, just much less frequently. That being said, this is also my final semester of college and I have two senior projects to focus on in addition to my classes, which I expect to take up a good deal of my creative focus, and because I have ~tendinitis~ and need to rest my wrist when I'm not working. For this reason, I'm not setting a date for when updates will resume, but I really hope it will be before May as this story is very important to me! I sincerely hope you'll stick with this fic even through it's break and honestly, the only reason I've managed to talk myself into it is because I've not done NEARLY enough work on my senior project because whenever I sit down to write, it's always on this story, so I really need to restrain myself lmao.
> 
> I'll still be updating my less ~consistent~ projects and if you want any l/light oneshots, feel free to request them on coping! I'll also continue to post updates about this fic and art relating to it on my tumblr, and if you're interested in my nonDN writing and my senior project feel free to check me out on twitter @keelingherald!
> 
> i'm very excited to share this next chapter as it's quite the turning point for this story so... here you go!

Light did not feel any better when he woke up. 

“Light-kun,” Aizawa said. “Ryuzaki called me while you were asleep. He asked me to let you know that your father is waiting to see you.”

Any other day, Light would have reacted to this news. He imagined that he would have been excited by the prospect of seeing his father, or terrified, since he had no idea if his father believed he was innocent or not. At the current moment, though, he felt nothing.

After departing the jet, they stopped at a medical facility. A frantic nurse, who seemed to know and only speak to Wedy, looked over them, rebound their wounds, and promised to arrange an additional check-up. Light thanked her politely.

Then they went to the hotel. The drive felt far too long. Light began to feel more like himself on the elevator ride up and Watari checked them over before they returned to the suite.

Light wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, maybe for Misa to assault him with hugs, or a shocked and worried welcome from the task force. Instead, the suite was quiet. Watari left once he’d brought them in, so the only people in the welcome party were L and Soichiro. L pulled Aizawa aside quickly, leaving Light with his father, who was staring at him like they’d never met.

“Hi, Dad.” Light ws exhausted, and his father could probably tell. He put a hand on Light’s shoulder.

“Are you alright?”

Light laughed, which made his father smile sadly.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “That was a stupid question.”

“I’m fine,” Light said. “Really, I’m shaken but I’m okay. And we solved the case, right? Easy peezy.”

“You’ve always been an optimist,” Soichiro said, and the relief that swept through Light threatened to knock him over. Apparently, Soichiro saw this, as he moved to steady Light. He turned to L. “Ryuzaki,” he said, clearly working up to something more, but L lifted his hand.

“Yagami-san, Light-kun has been through an ordeal. I think any matters relating to the New York or Kira cases can wait until he has rested.” L moved closer to them. “I’ll ensure that he makes it to his room without falling. But would you be good enough to escort Aizawa-san to his room? He is also rather unsteady, and I think he would quite like to see his wife and daughter. I’ve made arrangements, so they should be waiting for them — and I think your own family will be relieved to hear Light is alright.”

“Yes,” Soichiro said, and patted Light awkwardly before releasing him. “Light, I’ll see you later. Take care.”

Light nodded and his father took Aizawa from the room, shooting a meaningful glance at Light as they left.

Light did not have the urge to move closer to L, but found that he did so without considering it and, more interestingly, that L moved closer to him too. Their hands brushed against each other.

“Yagami-kun,” L said. “Sometimes I think it would be ideal if you never left my sight again.”

“You’re a bad friend,” Light accused him, and L laughed.

“You’re sleep deprived. We should get you to bed.”

L took hold of his hand and led Light down the hall. His slow shamble was hardly too fast for Light, but in his current state, was not as frustrating as Light was used to. L opened the door to his suite and tugged Light to his bed. L slipped off Light’s jacket and pulled back the blanket for him. Light, overwhelmed with exhaustion, barely had the capacity to note how chivalrous he was being. When Light moved into bed, L moved after him.

“Is this alright?” L asked courteously, and Light, tired, unfeeling, and more nervous than he could ever remember being, nodded.

L sat down beside Light and put his hand on his shoulder. Light was asleep in moments.

When Light woke up, it was dark. He lay still for a few moments, coming back to himself, then sat up. L was sitting beside him, reading the copy of  _ Paradise Lost _ Light had left on the nightstand.

“You’re awake,” L said.

“Yes.”

“That’s good.”

Light felt like himself again, which meant he now had the wherewithal to be confused.

“You came to bed with me,” he told L.

“Light-kun,” L said. “Don’t push.”

“No,” Light said, and moved closer to him. L didn’t move away.

“You nearly died.” L set the book aside, not meeting Light’s eyes. “It didn’t matter if B killed you or not, we weren’t flying you back because you’d solved the investigation. Kira threatened your life.” L’s voice was curt. “When we stopped receiving video feed I nearly had a panic attack. No, I did have a panic attack. I never want to be in that position again. Please don’t put me there.”

“I won’t,” Light said. “I have no intention of dying, Ryuzaki, believe me.”

“I’m so tired,” L said. 

“Then you should sleep.”

“No. I’m tired of this.” L set aside the book and reached for Light. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and Light’s heart fluttered rather stupidly. Light heard himself swallow and tried to think about something other than L’s eyelashes, which were dark and thick enough to count, or the look in his eyes under them. Light was relieved to note that one eyelash had fallen, and directed his gaze toward that instead as he brushed it away with his thumb. 

It occurred to Light that he had not brushed his teeth or showered since Aizawa had first woken him up to leave. If he wanted to win over L he should be at his best, he couldn’t risk messing this up because his breath was bad. He needed L to be a more predictable variable, and to accomplish that, he needed L to be fucking him. Light leaned his foreheard toward L’s slightly, and lowered his voice to let a promise hang from it.

“I should really go shower,” he purred. “Just give me a moment.”

L ran his finger across his forehead again, glancing over Light’s hair. He hummed in consideration.

“No,” he said, and for one long moment he didn’t move and Light debated getting up anyway, then L kissed him.

Light sighed into his mouth and L wrapped his arms around him. His grip, like the kiss, was gentle, as though he believed Light might shatter into a thousand pieces. Light would have liked to push him further but it served him to have L thinking he was meek; that was how he would underestimate him. So Light contented himself with this warm, patient kiss. It didn’t build to anything. L just kissed him like it was the only thing he’d ever cared to do and Light kissed him back and tried not to think about how good he felt.

Then L pulled back and pressed his mouth to Light’s neck, not kissing him, just resting there. His hot breath tickled a little, but not enough to make Light smile.

“Now you can go.” L’s voice was soft.

“Well,” here Light did smile, lifting a hand to cradle L’s head. “I don’t mind staying.”

“No,” L said. Light could hear the chuckle underneath his cool voice. “Your breath is really very bad. Please go deal with it.”

Light was a little offended, but laughed anyway.

L didn’t follow him into the bathroom. That was good too. On a personal level, Light wouldn’t have minded having L behind him while he washed his hair or brushed his teeth. Feeling his stomach against his back and his lips on his neck would really be very nice, and calming to boot, but it was a good sign. It meant L wasn’t using intimacy as a pretense to follow Light and watch him more closely. Of course there were the cameras, but if L was still waiting for him in bed then he wasn’t so concerned with that right now.

Light couldn’t give L too much too fast. If he wanted to keep L’s interest, which he had to do, he couldn’t overwhelm him. That might make him reevaluate their relationship again, and it had taken a near death experience to drop him into Light’s metaphorical lap.

He redressed and returned to the bedroom. Light crawled back into bed, snaking an arm under L. He didn’t try to direct L’s attention away from the book he’d picked up, just rested his head on L’s chest and closed his eyes and steadied his breathing. L put a hand on Light’s head. 

“Did you finish it?” L asked. The book was  _ Frankenstein _ now, he must have taken it from Light’s bag.

“Yes.”

“It has a very sad ending, don’t you think?”

“No.” Light did not open his eyes. “Dr. Frankenstein and his creature have no reason to live anymore, and from a literary perspective, death reunites Frankenstein with his loved ones. And in death, the creature is finally equal to him.”

“And is the reader supposed to be content with this tragedy?”

“Of course not. But isn’t there a lot of ground between sad and content?”

“I suppose so. Your literary opinions are really very compelling, Light-kun. You’re a delight to talk to.”

“I’m glad,” Light turned his head into L’s chest.

“Are you familiar with Shelley outside of this work?”

“Not particularly.”

“She was a fascinating woman. Her mother was a significant figure in Western philosophy and advocacy. She died from birth complications. Shelley’s own child would die in birth too. It left a clear scar on her, don’t you think?”

“Based on  _ Frankenstein?” _ Light mulled this over. _ “ _ I suppose so. Birth, or at least creation, is a violent act. Both in the short term, with the monster’s creation, and the long term as he kills Frankenstein’s loved ones. Frankenstein’s child only wreaks destruction.”

“Violent creation,” L repeated. He flipped through the book. “ _ ‘I am thy creature,’” _ he recited in English. _ “‘I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel, whomst thou drivest from joy for no misdeed.’” _ L had a look on his face that made Light feel as though he were miles away.

“Of course,” Light said. “The fallen angel in question  _ had _ done a misdeed.”

“Yes, refusal to bow. The greatest misdeed, to a god. The creature, though—”

“Wasn’t innocent,” Light interrupted. “He killed Frankenstein’s wife, and his closest friend.”

“In revenge, to get back at his god.”

“For creating him.”

“For shunning him,” L corrected. “Frankenstein says so.  _ ‘I ought to render him happy before I complained of his wickedness.’  _ That is the duty of creator to creature.”

“He was a monster.”

“He made him. You know,” L ran his hands absentmindedly through Light’s hair. “The Romantic movement, which doubtless influenced Shelley, concerned itself with compassion. Romantics philosophized on man’s good nature and the failure of society to uphold it. It found meaning in the belief that man is born good, and corrupted by the world. Circumstance pressures him, and only then is he wicked.”

“And then what? He should be forgiven?”

“So concerned.” L closed the book, and tapped Light’s forehead with it. “Always thinking of Kira, aren’t you?”

Light scowled. “Isn’t that my line?”

“I told you this book reminded me of another case.”

“That’s right.”

“I’ll have to tell you about B,” L mused. “But not just now, I think. I’ve said enough already.”

Light’s mouth curved up in a smile. How like L, to open up through cryptic literary debate, without saying anything else. He thought of telling him so, but instead he leaned up and pressed his lips to the underside of L’s jaw as he sat the book aside. 

“She was enamored with her husband, Shelley.” L’s voice was barely a whisper. Light brought his mouth to the hollow where his jaw curved into his neck, then to his Adam’s apple. “He died at sea. He was cremated.”

“That’s quite the contrast,” Light said to L’s collarbone.

L held Light’s head there, and Light felt his chest rise and fall. He could hear L’s heartbeat, louder than thunder.

“His heart wouldn’t burn.” The words thrummed through his body, his throat buzzing against Light’s lips. “So she wrapped it in silk and a page from one of his poems,  _ Adonaïs _ , and was said to carry it with her everywhere. It was found in her desk over a year after she herself died. She was only twenty four, when he died — that’s how old I am — and she died thirty years later. I wonder, Light-kun, what you would keep if I died. Anything at all?”

“I don’t need your heart, if that’s what you’re asking.” He brought himself up to kiss the space behind L’s earlobe. “I have a scar from you on my wrist. It goes everywhere with me.”

“Would you like it?” L asked, and Light couldn’t quite tell if he wanted the answer to be  _ yes _ , or if he only wanted to know.

“Your heart?” Light paused. No, he couldn’t pursue that train of thought just now, when he was so vulnerable. Instead he asked coyly, “Are you offering?”

“I’m not joking,” L said sadly. “I wonder what you want from me.”

“I want to be with you, Ryuzaki.” Light kissed him again, on his cheek, and laced his fingers with his. “Don’t you want to be with me?”

“Yes. That’s the problem I keep running up against.”

“It’s not a problem.” Light kissed his forehead, then his other cheek. “It doesn’t have to be serious, it doesn’t have to interfere with work. It can stay between us.”

“And what if it were serious?” L rubbed his thumb over Light’s wrist. “What if it didn’t stay between us? Would you still like that?”

The question caught Light off guard. After all of L’s rebuffs,  _ he _ wanted something more? Wasn’t that a little demanding?

“I’m not gay,” Light said defensively. L looked at Light, unimpressed. “Even if I am,” Light went on, flushing. “I can’t—”

“You wouldn’t want your father to find out,” L said flatly. “Or his coworkers.”

“No. Would you?”

“I don’t know.” L sounded helpless. “Wouldn’t it be better if they did? I’m crossing a severe boundary. I’d like to be held accountable.”

“We’d hardly be dating, Ryuzaki.” Light frowned. “Would you like to date me?”

“I don’t know,” L said again.

“It’d be a bad idea.”

“Yes.” L blinked. It didn’t seem like he’d fully processed what Light had said. “Would you like it?”

“I like  _ you _ ,” Light said. “But I don’t think it would work. If you’re so worried about boundaries and work, you shouldn’t date me.”

“Yes,” L dipped his head. “That’s fair.”

Light couldn’t believe how well this was going. It was too easy to maneuver L into this position. They would be involved, but he it wouldn’t be as involved as L wanted — so he would be working to impress Light, to make him want more. The more he tried to cater to his relationship with Light, and the more freedom Light would get.

The new Kira was already trying to make contact. The idiot had dragged exactly the wrong people into it, and given L more evidence against Light than he’d managed to collect in the last year, but it wouldn’t be long until this new Kira realized just how important Light was. After that, it would be easy to manipulate the situation until Light had one of the death notes in his position. L would be an issue, but he would deal with that issue further down the line.

For now, he could enjoy himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeaah so... the nature of this slowburn is a little different from your run-of-the-mill slowburn. they're going to be hooking up a pretty decent amount. will this speed up their ability to admit their feelings to themselves and each other? will it open them up to better communication? well. it's tagged slowburn for a reason: no. 
> 
> next week's chapter is part two (and our first nsfw update :o)
> 
> i'm looking forward to seeing you then!


	13. Renewal: Part Two (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MADE IT WITH A SECOND TO SPARE! idk why i didn't post this last night while i was thinking of it or this morning when i was free 😔
> 
> here's the second part of last week's chapter... and boy is it a spicy one! so far the pacing of this fic has just worked out that a lot of the nsfw scenes get to be their own chapter, which i'm quite happy with! when i was younger and reading fanfiction some sex scenes made me pretty uncomfortable, and now that i'm older and can get more into it i still really appreciate the ability to skip the sexy bits when it's not the vibe (or the ability to JUST read the sexy bits lmao)
> 
> enjoy ;)

“It’s not that I don’t want you.” He spoke into L’s ear, and L closed his eyes. “I do want you, Ryuzaki. Very badly.”

“Do you, Light-kun?” L asked. He toyed idly with the hair behind Light’s ear. “What is it you want, exactly? To be with me, or to use me?”

“You’re so afraid I’ll hurt you. But you still want me,” Light took ahold of L’s earlobe in his teeth, and L drew in a sharp breath. “Is that right?”

“Yes,” L said uncertainly. “That’s right.”

“It’s you I want,” Light told him. “Not to use you. Not to clear my name. Just you.”

“What do want from me?” The question was similar but desire hung from it now.

“Everything,” Light breathed.

L laughed, a quiet sound in the back of his throat. “That’s not very specific.”

“It’s embarrassing,” Light said, his voice was clipped and professional, “How much I want from you, Ryuzaki. It’ll be humiliating to get more specific, but I’ll degrade myself for you.” He brought his mouth down to L’s throat again and this time he bit down. L let out a soft noise. “I want to suck you off, for starters. I want to taste you. I want to choke on you while you pull my hair.”

“Light,” L said, the name practically falling from his mouth, and Light rewarded him with another bite, this one harder. L reached down to push off his jeans and began to touch himself. With his other hand, he took fast hold of Light and pressed him against his neck. Light sucked hard on the skin at the base of his neck and then broke away, L making a sound of protest.

“I want you to choke on me,” Light went on. “I want to hear how loud you are when you suck me off, how you moan. You make such beautiful sounds, Ryuzaki. I’ve missed them.”

“Have you?” L was flush now.

Light pressed his lips to his and nodded, feeling himself grow hard at the thought. “More than you know.” L’s sounds really were a treat. Light had never imagined anything with that power, but when he’d been under house arrest, he’d sometimes made himself come just by thinking about L’s soft noises. His gentle moans, his desperate whines, and best of all, the way they sounded with Light’s cock to muffle them. And of course there was his tongue, too. Light supposed a lifetime of lollipops and ice cream had made L an expert with it. He could do things with his mouth that shouldn’t be possible. Light pulled back from L to trail kisses down his chest and stomach.

“I want to fuck you,” he said. He spat on his hand before he replaced L’s with it, slowly pumping his cock, and L worried at his lip. This meant he’d want something in his mouth soon. Light adjusted his position to kneel more at L’s side and stuck the index finger of his left hand in his own mouth. Without breaking eye contact with L he worked it back and forth, then his middle finger, then his thumb, until all three were slick. It wasn’t particularly exciting to Light, but this was one of his favorite moves because the effect it had on L was wild.

L bit down on his lip and watched Light was wide eyes, cock twitching in Light’s other hand, and when Light offered the wet hand to him he bit down, running his tongue across Light’s fingers. Light loved watching L swing into such a heightened state so quickly, and was proud that he could push him there before L even knew it was building.

“I want to fuck you so badly,” Light said again. “I want to fill you up until you overflow, I want to be the only thing inside you. I want to feel you all around me, everywhere, and I want to fuck you until you don’t know if you’re begging me to stop or to go harder, until you’re dizzy and you can’t tell left from right and your gorgeous brain is completely shattered, and then I want you to shatter me.”

Light pulled his hand back and L made a sound of protest until Light moved over him, replacing it with his mouth, and L grabbed Light and held him tight against him. His gentility was gone and he kissed Light like an animal, like his life was on the line.

“Shatter you,” L sighed, and then he bit Light’s cheek. It wasn’t hard or long enough to bruise but it still stung and made Light shiver. He snaked his hand around L’s waist, and pulled his fingers, still slick with his spit, down until they’d found his hole. He looked at L and L nodded, not loosening his grip on Light.

“I want you to fuck me,” Light pressed in, and L gasped. “So badly. With your fingers, your fist, your dick.”

L let one hand fall away from Light’s hair as Light pushed in another finger. He took ahold of Light’s member to stroke him, then jolted. His hand fell away as Light found his prostate, and his fingers curled into the sheets. Seeing how desperate he was only made Light harder, almost painfully so. Did L really want him this badly? Light thought he might be able to step away and just dictate ideas, and L would probably still end up coming. Light moaned at the idea that L was so enamored with him, and hearing Light just made L gasp again and pull at Light’s hair, not intentionally, but reflexively. Even better, in Light’s opinion.

“Are you going to come already?” Light teased as L tugged at him. “Just hearing me say that I want you to tear me apart?”

_ “Fuck _ .”

“I do,” Light increased the rhythm of his hand, almost quick enough to be violent.

“Light—”

“I want you to fuck my throat until I can’t talk, I want you to rail me so hard I can’t even think of anything to say, to just fucking eviscerate me—”

_ “Light,” _ L whimpered. 

“Let me fuck you,” Light pulled his hand out. He was surprised by how needy he sounded. “Say I can fuck you.”

“Yes,” L scrambled to sit up. “Yes, fuck me. I’d like that.”

Light was struck by how polite he sounded. It was cute. He leaned forward to kiss L. “Do you have lube?”

“Yes.” L kicked his jeans over his feet, where they’d been bunched up, and pulled them up to his chest. He pulled a small tube out from one of his pockets. He carefully unscrewed the cap while Light tugged off his own pants.

Light kissed him again. “Have you carried that every day?”

L squirted the lube onto his hand. “Just today.”

Light grinned. “So you’ve been thinking about this all day? Even when you were with—”

L interrupted Light by unceremoniously grabbing his cock. Light cried out in pleasure at the sudden warmth and the soft feeling of L’s delicate fingers, working him until he was slick.

“Fuck me now,” L said, so Light pushed his legs apart and slid himself in. Light dug his nails into L’s shoulder as he felt him clench.

“Why the fuck is your shirt still on? Take off your shirt.”

“Yours is on,” L pointed out, then hissed in pain. Light reached up to pull his shirt off and L winced at the movement. “Fuck—” Light wasn’t in a position that afforded him enough balance to take off L’s shirt, and he doubted L could sit up enough to get it off himself, so he just pushed the fabric up toward L’s neck and dipped down, first licking his lower stomach and tasting the salty mix of sweat and precum, then moving up to take his nipple between his teeth. L groaned and Light thrust into him. L rewarded him with a sound close to a sob as Light found the right place, his hands clawing at Light’s back. Light sucked at his chest as hard as he could and L had to bite down on his own wrist to keep from crying out. Light pulled back up to kiss him and L bit down on his lip, then he bit Light’s shoulder as he moved to kiss his neck.

“You’re such a biter,” Light laughed.

“You taste good,” L defended, then sank his teeth into Light’s neck. “And Light-kun likes it.”

“Yeah.” Light kissed his ear, and L’s hips bucked in pleasure. “I like it when you’re violent with me, when you’re rough—”

_ “Oh,” _ L said, as though he’d only just realized how hard he was. “Oh, fuck.”

Light thrust faster into L, relishing in the way it shook his spindly form. “I like it when you make me beg for you, when you overwhelm me, when you make me feel so good— I can’t believe I’m gonna get to ride you again— Ryuzaki—”

_ “Light,”  _ L moaned at the sound of his own name. “Light-kun—”

“It’s gonna be so good,” Light promised. “I’m going to make you feel so good—”

“Yes—”

“You’re going to make me scream—”

_ “Yes—” _

Light wasn’t even breathing now, the words spilling out of him without control, and L wasn’t even touching himself and was already so close to orgasm. “You feel so good,” Light went on. “You feel so fucking good.” If he’d been any more coherent he would have hated himself for rambling on, but he was so caught up in how wonderful L felt around his cock and how lovely he was with his eyes wide with pain and pleasure and glazed over with lust. He was absolutely perfect, his alabaster skin that bruised too easily, his dark hair spilling over the pillows, his mouth pink and entirely too enticing. No one else would ever be so beautiful. Light doubted anyone could even come close. It occurred to Light, unbidden, that he could do this every night for the rest of his life and never be bored again, and the thought filled him with so much terror that he definitely wasn’t going to be able to climax inside of L, which was possibly the greatest disappointment he’d experienced since he locked up his death note. Still, he was hard enough to make L orgasm, so he kept thrusting until L had practically arched up the bed to press himself against Light.

“I’m going to come,” he told Light, his matter-of-fact tone estranged from his completely undone composure. “Could you—”

Light took hold of him, stroking L’s cock before L could finish asking. Light pulled himself out, making L jerk, then wrapped his mouth around L and started sucking.

“Holy shit,” L said in disbelief. “Light, you feel so good— you’re amazing—”

Light shoved himself up against L, choking as he slid into the back of his throat and L cried out, grabbing ahold of Light’s hair and writhing underneath him as he climaxed.

“Fuckfuck _ fuck _ ,” L hissed as he came in a second wave, and Light swallowed thickly and sat up. He kissed Light violently, teeth clashing against his.

“You taste good,” he said sweetly, when he had to come up for air.

“You said you wanted to ride me,” L said. “I can—”

“No.” Light kissed him, softer this time. “Not right now.”

“Let me do something for you.”

“You could get me some water,” Light said. L nodded dutifully and tottered off. Light rolled onto his side and watched him disappear into the bathroom, admiring how delicately he had to walk.

L returned with a paper cup of water and tipped it into Light’s throat, then offered him an almond candy from his pocket. “You should eat something, to reset your pH.”

“And eating candy will help?”

“This has an almond.” L unwrapped it. “That’s protein.”

Light laughed and tugged at L’s wrist to pull him into bed. He accepted the candy when L held it against his lips, then kissed L to let him taste the chocolate.

“It’s good that you woke up when you did,” L said, looking at Light’s alarm clock. “I’m only going to be ten minutes late to my meeting. If I get up right now, that is.”

“I hate you,” Light said, with great affection, and L dropped the wrapper onto his floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've thought a fair bit about perhaps splitting this work into several pieces. i worry that doing so would make it a little more daunting to me. as a reader, which do you think is more overwhelming to get into? a series of 15~ chapter fics that all further the same plot, or a 40+ chapter story? (yeah, that's right... the length grew again...)
> 
> thank you so much, as always, for the kind comments, kudos, and other forms of encouragement! i can't wait to see you in 2021, even if it's a little later on! until then, I'll be active on my other stories and socials as promised (i can guarantee that infected and capitulation will be updating, and that they will be very, very sexy:3), and there'll be sporadic postings about this story on my death note tumblr! thank you all for sticking with this story and i hope your new year is bright ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always welcome!! hope you'll come back for more :-) my tumblr is @butchrem! let me know if you'd be interested i seeing WIPs or previews there :o


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